Illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry

Writing task 2 - Music piracy

Hi, everyone, I'm studying for IELTS and need you to help me correct the essay.

Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is true that people who work in the music industry acknowledge that measures should be taken to stave off the operation of stream-ripping sites. While I agree that steps could be made to deal with this problem, I believe that music download websites are beneficial to the public and as well as artists.

On the one hand, music piracy has had a strong influence on the artists and the record labels in several respects. It is strictly illegal to download copyrighted music without the permission of the owners. From an ethical standpoint, there is no difference between downloading music illegally and stealing a CD from a shop. Furthermore, music piracy threatens the livelihood of creative artists. Due to the popularity of music ripping, musicians lose the income from their artistic works and do not get enough financial support which put them in a precarious situation. As for the record companies, music theft also leads to the loss of annual revenue, and lower-level workers of the companies may be jobless.

On the other hand, there are good reasons why these sites should still exist. CDs are incredibly expensive, so many music lovers could not afford them. In addition, some people only enjoy one to two songs, and they are unwilling to pay for the entire album. As for the poor, music-sharing websites may contribute to equity as these provide access to poor people, who are unable to pay for CD, to enjoy artistic creations. Finally, these sites could act as a medium for increasing the popularity of the musicians because the websites allow artists to put their content online for free and attract more music lovers to appreciate their works and concerts.

In conclusion, protections could be made to prevent illegal music downloading sites, but I believe that the existence of these sites is necessary.

Wherever you read the word "OR" in the discussion instruction, that means you are being asked to analyze the topic and reasons for the discussion first. Then, you must come up with a single opinion to defend in the essay. In this case, you are being asked to decide regarding the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the presented discussion. That said, your response indicates that you did not choose a side to discuss and, you did not spend any of the 40 minute time allotment brainstorming and outlining your possible discussion points. The examiner will score this essay below the passing mark on the TA section because of the lack of a clear position on the discussion.

Your essay also offers an opinion in the conclusion. A suggestion was made regarding possible solutions, when none was required in the task requirement. So your essay also discussed topics not related to the original discussion. Hence, the examiner will not be able to score you well in the TA section. Once you come in under the passing score in the TA section, there is no chance that the essay will pass the remaining criteria and deliver a passing score for you. Your overall essay cannot pass because of the following reasons:

- You did not deliver a clear opinion in the prompt paraphrase
- You did not pick a side to discuss in the essay
- You did not respond in the proper format to the discussion question
- You included non-required discussion content in the essay

@Holt
Thank you for your advice. Well...actually I do not only pick one side, but I chose two sides, a balanced opinion.
Is it okay to choose both side and present a balanced view?