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(Music Choice / Pop Parade) IELTS COMPARISON OF TWO NEW MUSIC SITES


jobymonpj 8 / 17 1  
Jul 6, 2012   #1
The given graph illustrates the number of visits to different music web sites,namely Music Choice and Pop Parade ,over a period of 15 days.
It is clear that Pop Parade was more popular among people than Music Choice and that the number of visits to both the sites increased significantly during the last four days of given period.

Approximately 40000 visits were made to Music Choice in the first day ,whereas the number of visits to Pop parade was three times higher than that.Till the eleventh day,the number of visits to Music Choice Fluctuated between 40000 and 60000 visits. In conrast,the figure for Pop Parade had declined to all time low by the seventh day,eventhough it recovered and reached to 150000 visits in the 11th day.

It is interesting to note that there were more number of visits to Music Choice in the twelth and thirteenth day (120000 and 111000, respectivly) than that to Pop Parade.However,while the popularity of Pop Parade shot up to its peak in the 15th day with about 170000 visits,the figure for Music Choice slumped to below 80000 visits.

April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 7, 2012   #2
Approximately 40000 visits were made to Music Choice in the first day ,whereas the number of visits to Pop parade was three times higher than that .Till the eleventh day,the number of visits to Music Choice Fluctuated between 40000 and 60000 visits . In cont rast,the figure for Pop Parade had declined to all time low by the seventh day,eventhough it recovered and reached to 150000 visits in the 11th day.

It is interesting to note that there were more number of visits made to Music Choice in the twelf th and thirteenth day (120000 and 111000, respective ly) than that to Pop Parade.However,while the popularity of Pop Parade shot up to its peak in the 15th day with about 170000 visits,the figure for Music Choice slumped to below 80000 visits.

U need a conclusion at the end

=> well in IELTS task 1, the conclusion is optional. An overview is enough.

Best
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 7, 2012   #3
the conclusion is optional. An overview is enough.

An overview or conclusion, what's the difference? The aim of a conclusion or an overview is that to show the essay has mainly focused on what results and also to show the final paragraph of the essay.
April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 7, 2012   #4
Well, my teacher said that in an overview (or a general statement) you write about the general trends or points that stand out when you first see the graph (and this is compulsory), so if you included the conclusion, that would be a repitition of what you just said before. Of course if you can spot something else from the graph to write in the conclusion, it's totally fine, but the conclusion wouldn't help raise your bandscore much.

So for me, no conclusion recommended and we should focus more on the body paragraphs.

Best
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 7, 2012   #5
So for me, no conclusion recommended and we should focus more on the body paragraphs

:) OK then, u do not need to writ a conclusion:D. However, I believe a conclusion makes the essay stronger and in this way u can impress an examiner (as a result of better and stronger structure and organization). There is a difference between conclusion and a general trend. It would be better to write the general trend at the end of the introduction, but a conclusion is different. I recommend u to take a look at the samples of the Cambridge books (1 to 8), and then u will see that all of them have conclusions at the end which are different from general trends. For example, imagine a graph that compare the income of people in some European and Asian countries. As a general trend a writer can mention that " the results show that people who live in Germany can earn highest amount of income compared to other studied countries". However, as a conclusion it can be written that :"the level of income in developing countries is considerably lower than that in developed countries.". In fact, u cannot come to this conclusion before giving some data in the body. This is the main difference between a general trend and a conclusion (for writing a conclusion u need to give some results and information in the body)
April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 7, 2012   #6
Oh that makes sense. I'll definitely consider it!
(but still the conclusion is optional :D)


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