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Mardy17 32 / 18 5  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the level of three different predominant problems which are witnessed by individuals who decided to live overseas and measured in percentage is provided in a bar chart. At first glance it is obvious that, looking school for children is the lowest problem for the new settlers. In any case, finance is the big matter for most young people, while for immigrants aged 35 or over experience sanitary as the greatest obstacle.

With regard to children education, individuals' age between 35-54 face the obstacle to bring their children to school at approximately 18%, while for the youngest and the oldest categories experience this trouble at 6% and 2% respectively.

Turning to finance problem, at almost 34% people aged between 18 and 34 assert this complication when reside in another country, while for older migrants who aged 35 to 54 experience by 2% compared with the youngest age category. However, sorting out funds is not the main problem for the oldest people who find monetary problem fewer than 30%. On the other hand, the percentage of healthcare problem people aged 35 to 54 and over 54 reach 36% and 37% consecutively, while for the youngest age group is just under 35%.

vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
The main problem I can see with your essay report has to do with tense usage. All of these facts and events have already happened so you need to discuss it in past tense. Connecting words are also currently an issue for you but you should learn how to better use those devices as you progress with your practice tests.

...which are witnessed EXPERIENCED... who decided to ... and IS measured i... AND is provided in a bar chart...looking FOR A school ... big matter PROBLEM for most young people ... experience sanitary as SANITATION IS the greatest obstacle.

... individuals' ageD between ... obstacle to bring OF BRINGING their children to school at approximately 18%, ... THEY experience this trouble at 6% and 2% respectively.

...finance problemS... 18 and 34 assert EXPERIENCE this... reside RESIDING in another ... who aged 35 to 54 experience THIS AT by 2% ... ...problemS fewer...healthcare problemS IN people...and 37% consecutively RESPECTIVELY ...group IT is just...

These problems did not severely affect your report development. Your message could still be somehow made out and you managed to make your essay understood by most. Your writing should show improvement in the next essay if you take the advice we give you with this essay to heart and apply it to the next one :-)

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