IELTS : what is the impact of technology on the frequency of face-to-face communication?

This is my IELTS writing Task 2 essay.
Please correct it and share ideas :3

Question
: As people use internet or mobile phone to communicate, the number of face to face communication decreases. Do you agree or disagree?

My Answer
: There has been a controversy whether the frequency of face-to-face communication will decrease due to the advanced technology. Some argue that the Internet and mobile phones will become a predominant method in interpersonal interaction sooner or after. I, by and large, agree with this opinion for the following reasons.

It is irrefutable that even though the technology regarding human communication is developed, people would still use a traditional way of communication. Communicators usually not only do verbal communication but also utilize a range of non-verbal ways, such as facial expression, gesture, eyes and even odor sense, in order to exchange their feeling and emotion, aside from having a conversation. That is the point where the conservative way of communication has its own significance, compared with the technology-based one that is deemed to remain in only a superficial degree.

Nevertheless, the impact of the new communication method based on modern technology is getting greater and people are more and more interact in that way. To begin with, the new way, in comparison to the initial technology's limited functions that allowed people to use only text or voice, is approaching nearly the same level with the face-to-face communication. Users now even can interact seeing each other's faces through a vivid video chatting system, where they can feel like being with opponents in the same place.

Furthermore, the technology-based communication is quite a suitable method in the ever-shrinking world. The new way can allow people to communicate regardless of time and space, which meets the needs and tastes of individuals who want to keep in touch with acquaintances in overseas or save time for visiting due to a busy life, or even telecommuters and multinational corporations.

In conclusion, although the importance of traditional communication method cannot be wholly ignored, I believe that the usage of the new way will continue to increase, since it is now nearly the equal to the real interpersonal conversation as well as matches needs of the current world.

Kim, I have some comments and suggestions for you below. Please consider these as you revise the essay :-)


- The debate regarding the demise of face to face conversations has become more urgent due to the increasing use of technology to communicate. Some sectors believe that the internet and mobile phones will become the de-facto communication standards of the future, causing the demise of personal communication. Others believe that there will always be a place for face to face communication regardless of the available communication technology. I believe that communicating via technology will cause the loss of face to communication for a number of reasons. This essay will discuss all the sides of the issue and leave the final opinion on the topic to the reader.


- Others will say that there is no denying the fact that traditional face to face communication seems to be dying with the emergence of communication technology. There are still people who prefer the old school, face to face communication method. Mostly because face to face communication allows people to read beyond the written word. The tone of voice, the body movements, the eye contact, gestures, everything that takes place during face to face communication helps to deliver the clear message of the words being spoken.There is no second guessing it. There is no need for emoji's or emiticons to create a sense of mood as usually happens with text messages. This is what makes traditional communication significant when compared to technology based conversations.


- However, with every technological advancement, the need for physical face to face conversations is decreased. The face to face part is being further enhanced by technology such as video calling, VOIP, and other emerging video and voice based technologies which have the ability to overtake and enhance physical face to face talk time. Time and distance are no longer an i]ssue for face time communication as it is with physical face time conversations. Virtual communication has shrunk the world without our realizing itThe way we communicate and do business across the seas has forever been changed by communication technologies.


- This was compressed into the previous paragraph.

Your conclusion is good an requires no comment or revision in my opinion :-)

Oh, I checked it too late... Thank for your really detailed correction! It was quite helpful for me XD I'll rewrite my essay according to your coment~!

Overall, it is a good essay. However, I do not consider 5 paragraphs essay is perfect. Furthermore, it is better to remove 2nd paragraph and combine it with other paragraphs.