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The importance of local history as opposed to world history



tunglinh0907 8 / 18  
Jul 10, 2017   #1
Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (about 300 words)

native and world history education



It is argued that national history plays a more vital role than other countries' history and therefore students should focus on their native history. As far as I am concerned, while local history lessons are crucial to children's development, world history could also benefit them a lot.

There are many reasons why children are made to learn their national history. Firstly, teenagers can understand their indigenous history carefully such as significant historical events and famous heroes who protected their countries, which helps them adjust their behavior to fit the society they live in. For example, by learning native history, schoolchildren will respect their ancestors as well as express their gratitude toward their parents and grandparents. Another reason why national history is mandatory in schools is young generations can draw lessons from the process of protecting and constructing their countries of their ancestors. Using this knowledge, youngsters can deter their nations from making similar mistakes in the past and also make their countries prosper by experience collected from the past.

On the other hand, young people can also gain many benefits from learning world history. It is an inevitable fact that by studying history, learners can acquire more knowledge about other nations in various aspects. Due to the close relation between history and indigenous cultures, teenagers can have a deeper insight into customs and traditions of other areas. As a result, a deep understanding of historical situations and cultures can prevent students from offending local values when travelling to other nations. Furthermore, studying world history can provide young people with experience to develop their countries. For example, the underdeveloped nations can imitate other prosperous countries such as following their educational curriculum or strategies to make their own nations flourish in an effective way.

In conclusion, I believe that native history and world history should be taught all over the world because they are of the same importance.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Jul 10, 2017   #2
Linh, why are you discussing a compare and contrast essay when you are being asked to represent your personal opinion on a specific matter? The prompt clearly states that you have to discuss your degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. This is not something that you were able to accomplish in the paraphrasing / opening statement. Neither did you successfully argue one side of the discussion , as required, within the body of paragraphs. Therefore, it is obvious that your lack of understanding of the prompt requirement has prevented you from properly addressing the prompt requirements.

This essay cannot score higher than a 3. That score is based upon your failure to properly address the task that you were given for the essay. I am sad to give you that score but that is the reality of your work. Instead of a compare or contrast, you should have picked one side to defend in the essay by closing your opening paraphrase with ; "While I believe that the learning of world and national history are of equal importance, more attention must be paid to the learning of national history to a larger extent based upon several reasons."

Based upon the mistakes you made in the overall discussion of the essay, your concluding statement also became flawed and improper. You even added new information in your concluding statement, which further showed that you are incapable of properly closing an essay. The proper close of this sort of essay should merely summarize the given topic, the discussion provided, and a repeat of your opinion, if required. Then the essay can close is complete. Saying "In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that..." would have been sufficient to have your concluding statement follow the necessary parameters of a properly developed essay discussion.
OP tunglinh0907 8 / 18  
Jul 10, 2017   #3
@Holt
thank you so much for your comment, Holt. I really appreciate. Would you mind If I asked you a question ?
If I wrote "I totally disagree with this point of view because I believe that the learning of world and national history are of equal importance." Is it all right. I want to prove that both of them are of the same importance, so I mentioned the benefits of them to say that both of them are vital.


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