public services are more important than arts
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Many people believe that it is a waste of public money to finance art and cultural events, since there are more important issues to deal with. I do not agree with this idea, as I am persuaded that art is a fundamental part of human identity and a powerful mean of communication.
It is often claimed that art is useless and, therefore, not worthy to be spent much money on. The supporters of this view think that the government budget should be mainly allocated to public services such as health structures, food production and distribution and urban maintenance. In fact, these services are intended to address practical needs which are necessary to human survival.
In my opinion, it is undeniable that priority must be given to these relevant aspects of everyday life, but human beings require more than the mere satisfaction of primary needs. People need beauty in their lives and they need ways to communicate their feelings and abstract ideas. This is the main purpose of art, the reason why it has been practised since the origins of our species.
Moreover, promoting the artistic national heritage can be turned into an additional source of income, since most of the tourists visiting a country are attracted by its monuments and museums and they are likely to pay money to visit them.
In conclusion, I think it is important that a large amount of the government investment goes into public services in order to provide all the citizens with a good quality of life. However, the arts should not be forgotten because culture is vital to our soul as food is to our body.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15386 Martina, your opening statement, which is the prompt overview, was not properly represented in the essay. It is important that you learn how to represent the prompt requirements in the expected manner rather than the method that you think is correct. A proper prompt overview contains the following elements:
1. A restatement of the prompt discussion based upon your understanding of the topic
2. An outline representation of the discussion to follow, without immediately presenting any discussion data.
Your first 2 paragraphs would have worked well as a combined opening statement instead of this separate representation. The separate paragraphs make the fact that you did not properly paraphrase the prompt requirements obvious to the examiner. As such, the TA score will immediately and seriously affected.
Aside from the problematic opening statement, your essay actually represents the discussion in a more than acceptable manner. I think you could score something along the lines of 5 in an actual setting.
Hi Martina, I have read your essay and found some errors which you are supposed to improve. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.
Firstly, your introductory paragraph actually is good because your position can stand out. However, you made a minor error and can influence your score. You changed the meaning. There is the clear different between "some" and "many" in the first sentence. Besides that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph for meeting the requirement.
After that, when I reviewed your body paragraph, I honestly admit that you have not answered the prompts given because you should focus on your view. To get a high score, you are supposed to explain your reasons why you argued that those sectors are imprortant in the life. All you pour in the first and second body paragraph.
lastly, please you restate your thesis statement in the conclusion. Don't present the new perspective beacuse that can confuse the readers and reduce your score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Practice more and more, I really believe you can master this section
Happy Writing.