It is important that children should study hard at school. But playing sport is also necessary.

In recent years, there have been growing concerns about the amount of studied time at school for children. This has led to the question whether students should spend more time on participating in sport or they just concentrate on learning. This essay will discuss some controversies over this matter and present my opinions.

From one side, proponents of this trend believe that children should focus on only their studying instead of playing sport. The first thing for this is that the contents in examinations at school or international exams are different from the program which students have got at their processes. This means that they have to try their best to do very well to pace up with others. In addition, there are a lot of students who do not want to entertain by take part in sport and if they have more free time, they will do other activities such as listening to music, surfing the Internet or hanging out with their friends. This is because joining many kinds of sport makes them feel exhausted and actually, they must spend time on taking breaks. This phenomenon wastes double the time of children.

From the other side, opponents of this view claim that it is essential for students participate in outside activities like sport after school. First of all, these types of sport can raise the health and dynamic of children. For instance, after stressful working at school, they play badminton or football and they can promote their health with cram in arms or legs. As a result, they also achieve some interesting hobbies and forget something crazy at school. Moreover, when children take part in sporting, they will form mutual respect and learn about teamwork and co-operation. More specifically, students can improve their attitudes with others in any competition and win or lose with good race. Consequently, they comprehend many meaningful things from sport.

In conclusion, despite different opinions on this topic, I am likely to agree with the idea that students should get some kinds of sporting after school. Moreover, teachers also should establish abundant curriculum for children with a lot of sporting activities.

Don't forget to always include the original prompt with your essay posting so that we will know what to review and what answers to look for within your essay. At this point, I will be guessing about what the actual prompt is and try to analyze whether you are anywhere near the correct discussion or not. To begin, your introductory paragraph was alright but lacked an overview of the discussion and your opinion of the matter which, as we all know, are commonly expected information at the very start of any essay. If you are trying to argue that children need to spend more time on academics because of the demands of an international standard of education, don't muddle the issue by suddenly presenting a discussion about how students could use the extra time to just relax and use the free time unwisely. Stick to only one major topic per paragraph. Don't discuss two reasons in one paragraph. Each paragraph must be a stand alone paragraph that clearly responds to or presents a claim. You also cannot present your opinion as a part of the closing paragraph of the essay. Keep in mind that conclusions are not allowed to contain new information because it has to contain only the summary of the discussion, restated prompt, and a repeat of your opinion, which had been discussed in a previous paragraph. A revision of your concluding paragraph is definitely in order because it does not reflect the correct information.

To begin with, I do not know the directions for this essay is and the more I read, the more lost I get.
If this is an opinion essay, I suggest you stick to one side. If you explain both sides in an opinion essay, you'd most likely befuddle the readers since they will not know which side you are on until they read the conclusion. You can use details of the other side if you want, but only when you are using it to refute it and use those details to support or elevate your supporting point. Your flow is flawless and organization is neat. Well done!