Hello, I am preparing to my TOEFL exam and I have some problems with writing. Could someone check my essay and provide me with advice. I would be really greatful. Thanks! ;)
People learn and gain experiance through their whole life. We start going to school in the age of six and we graduate as adults. Even, after finishing school, everyone has to learn. We read books, gain new qualifications, adapt to a new environment. Nowadays, everybody is supposed to enhance knowledge and gain new skills all the time.
Books are, definitely, one of the most significant sources of knowledge, but are they the first best? In my opinion, the most important information comes from experience not from books. In next part, I give some examples to support this opinion.
To begin with, by reading books you are able to get knowledge, but would it prepare you to use this information? Knowing something does not mean being able to implement it in practice. As a result practical experience is necessary. However, you canot become experienced person by reading books. You have to face real issues. In my opinion, the skill to manage real problems, for example in work, is really important. Following the old proverb- "Practice makes perfect" the only way to get to know this is by gaining experience in real life. Due to this I believe that learning experience is the most significant source of information.
Moreover, you cannot learn from books how to behave, be tolerant or to cooperate with people. You have to practice those ablities. It is worth to point out that those skills have signficicant impact on us and they really matter to other people.
Last but not least, there are many no-well-read people who own very profitable businesses. They managed to achieve this due to experience and great ability to learn from surrounding environment, not by reading books.
To sum up, I believe that books do not provide the most important information. This information is in the real world. You just have to spend time with people, observe them, ask questions and, consequently, you would gain much more important knowledge than the one from books.
Although I like the content of the text, it is pretty much vague. For example, the first sentence of any essay should be more attractive; something that captures the whole essence of the essay. In the case of this particular essay, I would write something like: "People learn from mistakes and from it they gain experience; but "experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him." The Quote is from Aldous Huxley, the man who wrote "Brave New World."
I suggest you use more variety in your word choice. Try using the thesaurus a little, but not too much. Learn new words and learn how to use them properly. Good luck!
Aldo, thanks so much for the work you did here!!
People learn and gain experience throughout their whole lives.
Be careful with a list like this significant. Keep all items on the list in the same form, like this:
Moreover, you cannot learn from books how to behave, be tolerant or to cooperate with people.
or
Moreover, you cannot learn from books how to behave, how to be tolerant or how to cooperate with people.
Use a spell checker:
You have to practice those abilities . It is worth to point out that those skills have significant impact on us and they really matter to other people.
Last but not least, there are many no-well-read people who, despite not being well-read, own very profitable businesses. They managed ...
Thank you very much for your feedback. I would definitely take advantage of it.
Thanks Kevin,
I was actually thinking about it because I really enjoy this page and you (and the whole site) help me so much with my applications that I need a way to give back something, but I think I will need to help some more people before applying. Thanks again. =D
I was actually thinking about it because I really enjoy this page and you (and the whole site)
Thanks for your kind words! Well, contributing here is all about helping lots of people. We ask that people help with a lot of essays before becoming contributors; that way, it MEANS something to be a contributor. Teachers can look at your contributorship and see that it means you worked selflessly to help with people's writing...
Thanks!! I'm glad you're here
