Some important roles of Parents improving child's lives as a good member of society

Hai everyone. this is my first essay of IELTS. i hope that i can catch and learn any suggestions in Essay Forum to improve my writing, grammar and some ideas, in English.

Some people think that teachers have a greater influence than parents in the development of a child's intelligence and social skills. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that Parents play a vital role a child's development at home and also some advice are given to children attitude by teachers at school. This is true both them could lead young men passing developed creativity and self-confident due to some reasons. While some views teachers support a best method for the children, i too believe because of parents, a child has basic skills before going to academic lesson.

To begin, a little creativity which is obtained at school, some lessons and foundation exercise at school, can be effective ways developed child's ability. Because of that, is a mom or dad's reason transfer their children going to primary school acquired knowledge much, as the result children learn by doing at classes which could be benefit social life, can touch each other talking and conversation as well as they study a book chapter. All the conditions and situations that children have found could motivate a vision and mission for the bright future. So, one side is to give teachers a chance in the developing young character by existing way and method at formal education.

However, it is not deal to judge father or mother limit to support children behavior effected child's life. Unlikely Guru in school, only parents have reputation exactly as expected to build a basic attitude at home. Moreover, every child imitates mom or dad in a wide range of daily activities well. Children would learn as a good member of society. Therefore, previous to attend at school, parents have shared whole elementary rules for children as long as doing home activities. The truth, it is important to distinguish fact from parents and teachers role in the developing a child condition.

I have come to the conclusion that a crucial place for children's performance in a few attitude observation is around family house before they go to primary school. While a teacher has several school subject with a formal schedule, I believe both view bring a vital massage to get child' dream.

Hi Diqon, let me start off by saying that even though your English grammar is not perfect, it is enough to get your message across to the reader. That said, I would like to commend you on being able to create coherent thoughts in English. This essay is a perfect example of a well written ESL essay. Here are my suggestions for further improvement in the essay:


- ... that p arents.
- The letter P in parents is only used at the beginning of a sentence. In this case, the word is used as a general term and therefore does not need to be capitalized.


- If you rearrange this paragraph to first cover the influence of parents in academic and personal aspects within the home setting, the paragraph will become stronger and more convincing. Your argument is sound and only needs to be adjusted in order to make it a more powerful paragraph.


- I don't think deal is the term you want to use here. I believe you want to say "However, it is not fair to judge..." Am I right?

Now, remember that you are not allowed to conclude your essay with the presentation of new ideas. That means you cannot and should not use your opinion as the closing paragraph. Try to build upon your opinion with supporting ideas in relation to your stand. Use examples from your personal life if possible in order to give credence to your statement. Don't rely on simply stated opinions based upon other facts. After you do that you can write a concluding paragraph that wraps up the argument you have just made. Remember, do not present new ideas in the conclusion.

The message of your essay is clear. It is just not well argued because of the language drawback. That does not matter at this point though. What is important is that you continue to practice writing and thinking in the English language. Remember, practice make perfect :-)

@ vangiespen Thank You so much for your helps. this is really useful.