It is important for travellers and business people to understand the cultures

hello everyone, I need your check for my writing here, I always appreciate and be grateful to your comment. Thank you!
Topic : It is important for travellers and business people to understand the cultures they come into contact with, however briefly. What are the main advantages of doing so? What do you think is the main disadvantage of not doing so?

There is no doubt that having general knowledge of culture or language where you land at will bring more benefits than drawbacks of not doing so. The essay below will draw some point to make clear this issue.

The obvious things that your awareness will help you both avoid violating local taboos and approach the resident's life when you come and see the new land. For instance, when you visit the Asian temples, it is not permitted to wear short and colorful clothes because it is impolite for the saint. Another example, the Indonesian can consider you like an arrogant act if you fold your arms or put your hand inside the pocket while talking with others. Moreover, it is comfortable to communicate, chat and open your relationship. When you meet an American at first time, it will make sure that instead of be surprised and not done anything if they say "hello" and smile, you will wave your hand and smile to them.

It is an interesting experience for traveller when they set their in new destination. Turning into working as businessman, it is believed that you are always appreciated if you have international partnership specially in foreign. To have a possession this, it actually makes troubles. But if you have found your co-operator's information, everything will change. For example, Japanese is considering as strict requirements, but they regard you with higher point if you are good at earning money and caring your family. And then making a profit, long time contracts or successful cooperation is not matter.

Coming back the issue, if you do not have any information about new destination, it is certain that you will keep in mind about "cultural shock". Such as you can regard American with suspicion or judge them incorrectly when they say "hello" and smile to you.

To conclusion, what is proposed above is a good way for travellers and business people to socialize into the world. This brings you better result than not owning any knowledge when you are abroad.

hello there ! generally, a good job but I'd like to point out some things.
People know what you're going to talk about in your essay (they set it for you, remember?) So you can probably eliminate "The essay below will draw some point to make clear this issue." :)

some gramatical errors/ better wording suggestions:
1. from "The obvious things" to something like "It is obvious that your awareness..."
2. from "the Indonesian can consider you like an arrogant act" to something like "an Indonesian can consider it an arrogant act..."

3. from "Moreover, it is comfortable to communicate, chat and open your relationship" to something like "Overall, it is much more comfortable to converse, communicate and trigger a positive relationship"

4. from "When you meet an American at first time, it will make sure that instead of be surprised and not done anything if they say "hello" and smile, you will wave your hand and smile to them." to something like "When you meet an American for the first time, they will greet you so it would be a common act to wave your hand and smile as a response."

also, perhaps some Society and Culture terms like "ethnocentric" which means judging one culture with the standards of another culture. Micro World (which is your personal world e.g. family, friends, etc) and Macro World (which is the "big" outside world like the government, media etc) and add some cross cultural components.

best of luck!

There is no doubt that a knowledge on language or culture of the place one wish to visit would have more benefits.
In your introduction, you don't make any effort to introduce your topic. Instead you express opinion straight and then say you would come up with reasons in the body paras. However, it is always better to introduce the topic and then state your opinion.


The obvious reason is that your prior knowledge of a foreign land would help you avoid violating local taboos and understand the people and their culture better.

In your body paras, you need not give two or three specific examples. One is more than enough, but you better expand on it a little more. Since these tasks have a major bearing on time, you better practice following one specific structure. That would certainly help you at the exam :)