WRITING TASK 1: INCIDENCE OF X DISEASE IN SOMELAND

The given graph illustrates the number of cases of X disease in Someland in a period of time from 1960 to 1995.
Overall, it is clear that there was a fluctuation in the proportion of being get X disease.
In 1960, the number of cases related to X disease was approximately 100. After that, there was a dramatically rise in the ratio from 1965 to 1975. The number rose from 200 cases in 1970 to 500 cases in 1975 and still remain until 1984.

In contrast, from 1984, there was a downward trend in the number of cases. The number plummeted from 500 in 1984 to over 300 in 1986 and then went down to zero in 1990. From 1988 to 1995, Someland was free of the disease.

In conclusion, the graph shows that the disease was increasingly prevalent until the 1980s when it was eradicated from Someland.

148 words are not enough to meet the word requirement of the essay. You need at least 150 words to achieve a deductionless word count score. You will receive some percentage deductions covering the missing word count. Another aspect for deduction will be the summary overview. You did not clearly identify the type of graph that was provided. Was it a line or bar graph?

You explanations are also difficult to understand and confusing in some instances such as:


What did you actually mean to say in that sentence? I am uncertain as I cannot see the image to compare your presentation to. It is these sort of unclear statements that will add to the deductions of your score. Also, please remember that a task 1 essay is a reporting and analysis essay. It does not require you, as the writer to come to a conclusion as you are only expected to present information to the reader.

In the second paragraph, consider clarifying the phrase "proportion of being get X disease" to enhance readability. You might say, "fluctuation in the incidence of X disease."

Instead of "dramatically rise in the ratio," you could use "a significant increase in the number of cases."
Be consistent in your tense. For example, you switch between past and present tense in the sentence, "The number rose from 200 cases in 1970 to 500 cases in 1975 and still remain until 1984." You could say, "and remained at this level until 1984."