Including hard-working philosophy in a educational curriculum is the best way to get succes -IELTS 2

Q : "Nowadays, being graduated of formally educational institution have no-significant use to get success.
Spending life fo hard work is needed much more than just formal education."

To what extent do yo agree or disagree ?

In many developed countries, there are a lot of people who get an overwhelming properity without an educational background. Whilst some people believed that there is no-significant use of formal education and the others argued educations as primary determinant, I considered that it can be overlooked of including a little practical work in educational curriculum.

For many years now, Being a university dropout is quite a proud tradition for some world-class entrepreneurs. They build their glory start from having nothing and change the world with their contributions. There is no objection that such entrepreneur like Steve Jobs, Bill gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson have lighted the world and made the human life easier with their innovation. All of them are kind of people who didn't get formal education or get drop out of college or school. Even some famous scientists such as Albert Einstein, Thomas A. Edison had no fomal educational backgrounds. They created their work by them selves and got many suffering in their childhood. They always tell the world their stories that life is difficult. Despite of being educated in formally educational institution, doing work and facing the hard life since early ages are their suggestions. It brings a lot of rewarding experience to face the next stage of life.

However, the number of people who spent their former years for working is not comparable with people who suffer poor household due to lack of educational background. Many people who didn't get their better education because of having work in childhood don't have a chance to compete in job opportunities or even get a loan from bank to create their own business. This chains make everything being stagnant to run away from hard life.

There have always been advantages and disadvantages of a way to do something. The aforementioned irrefutable evidence shows both of them. But, according to a recent study, it is overlooked that there is almost the same level of contributions to the world from successful people who have no formally educational backgrounds and who graduated from the best colleges in the world.

So, despite of two blades-side of the benefits and drawbacks, It is urgent to include the hard life educational philosophy at earlier age to the curriculum of formal education. So, both of a worthy experience and formal academic can run together.

Hello Choirulmajdi
I just wanted to highlight a few errors in the text. First, you use the idiom 'a lot' a bit too excessively - it is more of a jargon actually, which means you should try to avoid using it in the written text. The word 'many' is much more appropriate. Second, there are a few words in your text that that appear to have been used in the wrong context. For example, instead of 'prosperity', you should have used 'wealth'. Also, it is stylistically awkward to say 'people get overwhelming prosperity'. You should consider 'people become enormously wealthy/rich' instead. Finally, try not using the same words (like 'people') too often. There are other terms that convey essentially the same meaning, like 'persons', 'individuals', 'citizens', 'folks'... I hope, this came of help. Regards.