Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS TASK 2: increased sport facilities vs other measures. Discuss both views.



Abdurasul 32 / 78  
May 27, 2014   #1
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


According to some people, increased number of sports facilities can be the best way to reduce the number of sicknesses and improve public health. While I admit that sports are very pivotal for our health, I would argue that there are other equally important factors and measures that need to be considered in this regard.

On the one hand, sport is a basic tool to improve both physical and mental states of a human organism. It is irrefutable fact that people mainly use sports in order to maintain a good health. Moreover, with the development of an advance technology, sports have become very essential nowadays. In this sense, governments should create new sports facilities in order to make their citizens healthier. For example, Sweden offers to its dwellers a rich variety of sports facilities and gyms in every region of the country. As a result, the level of public health in this country is very high. However, many other steps, apart from improvements in sports, were taken in this country in order to improve public health.

Therefore, there are other measures that are just as important as sports. Firstly, developed healthcare service can have positive impact on public health. Governments should improve the quality of their medicine. Secondly, governments should implement accurate measures to keep environment clean. As human organism need fresh air and clean water in order to maintain healthy state.

In my opinion, focusing on sports excessively can be considered as a shortsighted view, because there are many other factors that contribute to our health and make even greater impact.

(262 words)

niesaysi 16 / 281  
May 28, 2014   #2
Sweden offers to its dwellers a rich variety of sports facilities and gyms in every region of the country.
As a result, the developmental level of public health in this country is very high.

As human organism need fresh air and clean water in order to maintain healthy state.

Complete the idea. This is not a sentence.

In my opinion, focusing on sports excessively can excessively be considered as a shortsighted view, because there are many other factors that contribute to our health and make even greater impact.
dumi 1 / 6795  
May 30, 2014   #3
According to some people, increased number of sports facilities can be the best way to reduce the number of sicknessesgrowing number of health issues and improve public health.

According to some people, increased number of sports facilities can be the best way to reduce the number of sicknesses and improve public health. While I admit that sports are very pivotal for our health, I would argue that there are other equally important factors and measures that need to be considered in this regard.

Well, you do not adequately present the background of the issue. It says that one set of people believe that increased number of sports facilities help improve public health while others believe they do not. You ignore the opposite view completely in the intro. This introduction of the issue is important and it should be passed to the reader in its original sense.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: increased sport facilities vs other measures. Discuss both views.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳