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IELTS 1: The increases and decreases of CO2 emissions per person in four european countries

Luana1017 2 / 2  
Nov 15, 2022   #1

CO2 emissions per person in 4 countries

The line graph compares the average CO2 emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007

In general, Italy and Portugal saw significant growths in the average CO2 emission in metric tonnes per person over the 40-year period. In contrast, this figure decreased for the United Kingdom and Sweden. Portugal experienced the most dramatic changes in four countries.

In 1967, Portugal and Italy were two countries having the least CO2 emission per person, at about 1 tonne and 4.2 tonnes respectively. Following that, these amounts increased gradually and reached around 5.8 tonnes and 7.8 tonnes from 1967 to 2007

However, in Sweden, the average CO2 emission per person grew considerably from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes between 1967 to 1977. Meanwhile, this number for the United Kingdom remained stable, around 11 tonnes. After that, the figure fell significantly, which declined from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes in 2007. Like Sweden, The UK also saw a dip of almost 1 tonne over the period 1977 to 2007
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,876 4563  
Nov 15, 2022   #2
The summary overview is faulty for a number of reasons. First, the sentence is open ended since it does not have a full stop / period to signify the end of the explanation process. That will result in a severe preliminary GRA deduction. Second, the summary should be composed of at least 2-3 sentences. 3 being the most ideal since it will signify the one thought / idea per sentence requirement for the C+C and GRA scores.

As far as the trending paragraph, the writer did not signify why Portugal witnessed the most dramatic change among the countries. That leaves a less than clear paragraph indicator in terms of C+C considerations. That will result in additional C+C deductions.

A paragraph is always composed of at least 3 sentences, when the presentation is only composed of 2 sentences, both the GRA and C+C scores will receive deductions due to improper sentence and paragraph formatting.

Overall, this is a good first effort. The mistakes are to be expected. That said, I expect that the writer will alter his writing style and avoid the errors mentioned here going forward to help increase his scoring potential and improve his writing style in relation to scoring considerations.
Thao4real 4 / 7  
Nov 18, 2022   #3
I think you should use " between....and .....". In your sentence, you use " between 1967 to 1977". In addtion, you don't describe detail about Portugal which makes readers really confused when they read about. Because you say it " fluctuation " so you should give them more informatuin about that. Moreover , I think you overuse a structure "from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes" and

"from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes ". It may reduce your score so I hope you will have other structures to back up your body

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