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TOEFL Independent essay- owning smart phones by young children


NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Dec 25, 2015   #1
Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Smart phone is one of the most important inventions . Regardless of the fact that many people think that children should own cell phones with internet access; others disagree. In my opinion, I think that children should not have smart phones for two reasons; internet could be dangerous for young children without the supervision of their parents, besides that using internet via smartphones is costly.

First of all, young children should access to internet under the supervision of their parents. Owning a cell phone with internet access makes this difficult. Hence, smartphone is a double edged weapon; it can keep young children in touch with their parents; however, it can also be a real danger for them if they use it to talk to strangers. For example, a couple of years ago, I have watched a documentary about pedophiles who use fake internet accounts to communicate with children. That is why I think that children should not get smartphones with internet access.

Second, accessing to internet via smartphones is costly. Children may not be aware of the fact that using internet via a smartphone is more expensive than using it via a computer with cable internet connection or WIFI connection. Therefore, the hours they spend will be extended little by little. This wasted time may affect their studies in a negative way. Furthermore, there are some sites which offer goods that can be bought online. Some children may find their dream toys there and do anything to have them. For instance, I have heard that a boy stole his father's credit card to buy some toys from a website.

In conclusion, smartphones are very beneficial. However, they could be the inappropriate choice for young children because they allow them to access to internet without the supervision of their parents. Furthermore, accessing to internet via smart phones may be costly. Before offering a child a smartphone, it is imperative to take the disadvantages of the ability of accessing to internet into consideration.

rezamonadi 1 / 1 1  
Dec 28, 2015   #2
access to internetaccess the Internet.
OP NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Jan 15, 2016   #3
Thank you for your remarks. I will take them in consideration in my next essays.
brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jan 15, 2016   #4
Hey @Nournour,

Below you may find some suggestions regarding your essay. Hope this helps.

Smart phonesisare one of the most important inventions . Regardless of the fact that many people think that children should own cell phones with internet access; others disagree.Although many people believe that children should have access to mobile devices, one cannot disprove of the dangers that children are being exposed to. Others, however, believe that children should have access to cellular devices.

... without the supervision of their parents, and using internet via smartphones can be costly.

First of all, young children should have access to internet ...

I wanted to let you know that part of this paragraph and the other do not seem to have a lot of evidence regarding your standing in this issue. You mention being against children having access to phones, but here in this paragraph you mention the opposite. You need to be consistent with your position

Do you support children having access to mobile devices

Or

Do you not support this?

You have to make that clear in the introduction and from there outline your body paragraphs with one point each supporting your standing.


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