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Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones while some disagree - TOEFL essay


Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Nov 23, 2015   #1
Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Young children in my opinion are like budding flowers, they will grow the way you want them to . I prefer that these children should be encouraged to see the outer world rather than giving them a life of hi tech internet atmosphere.

In my opinion, the use of internet not only distracts the children from the outer world but it also inhibits their ability to think original and creative. The children used to spend excessive hours on cell phones and use it as the handy answer for everything that they face because of easy access to Google all the time. It increases their dependency and devoid them of the natural thinking for their lifetime.

Secondly, the use of smart phones at a tender age not only disturbs the social culture of a kid but also makes them unaware of other outgoing activities that could lead to a healthy lifestyle. For instance, the habit of using mobiles become so involved that instead of gathering in parties with different people , they would sneak out in a corner to play games or tweet. This hampers their ability to adapt to diverse society and diverts them to a bed-ridden lifestyle.

Thirdly, I think that this may be the good source of communication for parents but most of the times, the youngsters tend to avoid calls from the concerned family and will turn the mobiles off if they do not feel like to talk. Thus, the purpose eventually did not get solved by providing phones, instead I think they make them distant from the parents. The parents also become less concerned and less attentive because of the reason that the child has phone and will contact them if anything comes up.

Thus , I feel that the younger children should not be given phones to steal their innocence rather they should be persuaded towards original world and parents should let their children see the beauty of the nature away from the technology world.

Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Nov 23, 2015   #2
Due to the easy access of Google site, children tend to spend excessive hours on their cell phones and utilize it as the handy answer of their problem.

Finally, I would say that parents should not give phones to the children in order to towards the original world and experiences the beauty nature.
anggicaroot 20 / 19 3  
Nov 25, 2015   #3
Young children in my opinion are [...] of hi tech internet atmosphere.

Children is a precious gift in the world. Nowadays parents allow young child to use technology such smartphone and internet due to stll communicate with their child. While it is utterly true, it is claimed that children should spend their time to explore the outher world, rather than obtain influences from internet.
hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Nov 25, 2015   #4
Hi.. Sakshi..

your essay not too bad, here my advice for you related to this topic.

first, please look at the prompt: Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

it means that you should explain the problems related to a phone, the internet, and children. the important things that you should put in your essay are WHAT THE SOLUTION

Overall, as a see it, there are three main problems you have showed in your essay.

for the first paragraph, your essay explains the impact of the internet that can inhibits their ability to think original and creative. so, there are no solution related this matter. how to keep them creative. and your statement also without supporting scientific facts. who say like that, any research result related to this? make clear your explanation with facts.

for the second paragraph, the key point of your paragraph is "This hampers their ability to adapt to diverse society and diverts them to a bed-ridden lifestyle". it is true, there is no doubt that mobile phone can lead an increasing the social ability. but, you should say in what way children can loss their social life, and you give an example is not supporting the main ideas of this paragraph. maybe you can say, "for instance, children are more likely to send a message rather than gathering or face-to-face with their peers.

your conclusion is not a strong argument and i think the closing statement is not creative. this is because, today, globalization, it is too hard if parents not allow their children possess the phone. so, you should think about how thy control their children to use mobile phone.

good luck


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