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I'm industrious person who'll achieve 6.5 Band,EILTS Writing 3 - First Headlamps



Fatirtalent 12 / 17  
Sep 19, 2016   #1
First Headlamps

A couple decades ago, electric headlamps had not been invented. The use of flame was the only way to light. Even thought, there are several imperfection namely: easily extinguished and hard to carry. Hence it had never been considered as mean of illumination.

That phenomenon impacted on the train schedule, which was only available during the day. In the late 1830s, freight trains were fascinating service and disrupted to passenger train schedules. In order to overcome these problems, Horation Allen invented "Track Illuminator" which enabled the trains could be operated every time.

Several years ahead, Schenectady and Troy trail road trains adopted a whale oil lamp, it increased the visibility of the train up to 100 feet. Yet the braking distance of the train must be just over 100 feet. In 1851, the first electric headlamps was founded. Although that had two principal problems such as it needed its own generator, which did not easily carry until the 1890s when steam generators had been well developed. Afterward, several countries namely Russia, French and the United States started the use of the steam generation to power illuminator on trains. Eventually, by 1916, federal law regulated the trains to apply electric headlamps.

note: indeed, advices/inputs/recommendations are requested

rizaldohabibie 19 / 34  
Sep 19, 2016   #2
hi..
I want to thank you about your suggestion before.
as well as your advice, I would like to give some inputs into your essay.

Even thought, there are[were] several imperfectionsnamely: [which are] easily extinguished and ...
>> it is a past tense, isn't it? so you should use 'were'
>> several, in your sentence, shows the total of the noun more than one, then you should give 's'
>> the word 'namely' can be changed into adjective clause

I hope we both will give more feedback in our next essays..
thanks..
Giansy11 18 / 30  
Sep 19, 2016   #3
Hi Fitry...
i have a few comments, if you don't mind.

Even thought, there are several imperfectionsnamely: easily extinguished and hard to carry.
Several + plural
Afterward, several countries namely Russia, French and the United ...
As a know, namely used when want to give more detail or be more exact.
in this case, better use such as, Rusia, French and the United States.


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