INFORMATION ABOUT COMMUTING PATTERN IN HOUSTON, TEXAS AND CO2 EMMISSIONS

The road to work and air pollution

The given table and bar chart display the data about several categories of commuting pattern of people in Houston, Texas and how much the type of transportation contribute to the CO2 emission. Overall, it can be seen clearly that cars with only one person are the most common transportation mode and cause the highest emission of CO2 compared with the other means of transport.

Car with just driver break the record as the largest percentage of commuters at 48% while cycle/walk only stand at 4% as the lowest percentage of travellers. Nevertheless, car with one person only obtain the second position when it comes to the average age of traveller category. The highest proportion at this category is reached by train or bus at 47 with roughly similar number on each type of transport.

Apart from previous comparison, cycle or walk appears as the most environmentally friendly means of transport with zero emission. It is followed by bus or train with approximately only 0,01 kg of CO2 emission. Conversely, the most contributed on CO2 emission is seen on car with one person category which stand at 0,32 kg per person while sharing car category only release less than one-third of the highest emission.

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Ainun, please remember that in the overview summary, you are not allowed to present factual data that exists in any of the illustrations. Instead, you are supposed to mention those only as general parts of the overview statement. The specific information, such as you have currently stated in your summary, must be included within the appropriate body paragraph instead. You must also present a minimum of 3 sentences there. Simply dividing the information presented in the paragraph into shorter sentences would have easily met this requirement and showed a better understanding of the paraphrased prompt requirement.

Regardless of the problem with the summary statement, the work that you did on the rest of the paragraphs can be summed up in one word. Admirable. You have done a pretty good job of representing all of the information provided in the table and bar chart. While the grammar could be better and an in-depth analysis could have been better provided, you did well enough on this essay to possible score a 5 overall in an actual test.

As an additional feedback, reaching 6 or above is quite difficult isn't it? Even though you have written as flawless as possible, you only get 5 from one of EF contributors assessment. I might say that I do agree with her for certain extent, especially when it comes to your grammatical range and accuracy. Those are quite problematical and it is possible to hold your score range in around 5 or less. Let me show you some of them in the detailed descriptions below.

- Car with just driver break the record (...) while cycle/walk only stand at 4%...
- Nevertheless, car with one person only obtain
- The highest proportion at this category is reached by train...

- ...cycle or walk appears as the most
- Conversely, the most contributed on CO2 emission is seen on car with one person category which stand at 0,32 kg per person while sharing car category only release less than one-third of the highest emission.

Take a closer look on those words in bold, your subject-verb agreement is problematical. "Car" here is a "Single Data" not Car in its plural form. If you think that "Car" is plural, why did you write "cycle or walk" as singular? Thus, your writing is quite complicated here, there are lots of similar mistake regarding to that particular tense. This is one of the assessment criteria (grammatical range and accuracy) that matters for at least 25% of total assessment. Be consistent for all of the things, especially tenses usage, that you write on the essay and you will definitely reach your desirable score.

Hope this helps :)