IELTS WRITING TASK1: INFORMATION ABOUT DEPARTMENT STORES AND ONLINE STORES IN AUSTRALIA IN 2011

The table illustrates how much growth was in department stores and web stores in Australia during 2011.

Overall, there was an increase in the proportion of growth in both shopping malls and online shops, which was the result of the rise in the amount of shops, the profit and the sale income. In addition, the number of citizens choosing to shop online this year were higher than that of shopping offlne.

The number of businesses in web shops in Australia was 368 businesses, followed by that in malls (67 businesses). While the amount of entrepreneurs who chose to start their businesses online far exceeded that of the one choosing offline, the benefit of selling offline was high (807 millions) when compared with that of online ( 863 millions)

The income of shopping stores was 12700 millions, in comparison to 13400 millions of virtual one which was 3 times higher in the amount of shops. Moreover, the overall growth was found out, that of virtual shops were 0,6%, which was 0,2% higher than the development of department.

P/s: Can you mark after feedback the essay?

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The essay meets the correct word number requirement but fails to address the essay in the proper format. Since this is an analytical essay, each paragraph should be clearly threshed out with information. The information should be spread out over 3 sentences at a minimum, to help with the clarity of the information and avoid GRA deductions due to run-on sentence presentations. Please remember that each sentence should represent one idea or explanation only. You risk running a lower score in the GRA and C+C sections because of the compressed information presentation. The combined information sentences often result in more presentation errors than you would expect so it would be best to achieve presentation clarity by dividing your information properly within specific sentences across the 4 paragraphs.