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Information about global water use and water consumption

Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18 1  
Apr 26, 2017   #1

water use worldwide

The graph illustrates information about global water use for some sectors while the table provides information about how much water people consume in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, water use worldwide by some sectors experienced an increase by time goes. Meanwhile, people in Brazil consumed a lot of water in 2000.

The graph shows that there were three sectors of using water such as agriculture, industrial and domestic, and those figures had risen over a one-century period. In the first period, agriculture figure as the biggest proportion used of 500 km3 of water, and it was increasing significantly until the end of period of 3,000 km3. Meanwhile, industrial and domestic figures used less water than agriculture figure. They maintained stable over a five-decade period. Interestingly, they had a significant difference in the last period as domestic figure used a half as much water as industrial figure

However, the table shows that Brazilian consumed much more water than Congo since Brazil had bigger population than Congo. It could be seen that Brazil consumed of 359 m3 per person while Congo only consumed of 8 m3 per person.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Apr 27, 2017   #2
Andi, it is usually a good practice to post the prompt of your essay alongside your draft so that we can tell whether your paraphrase in the introductory statement is proper. Right now, it is difficulty to rate the accuracy of the paraphrase you have shown in this draft. That said, I will give a general comment based on your response to the information provided. You did your best in the first paragraph which introduces and gives a general overview of the content of the graph and table provided. However, the overview information in the last sentence of the same paragraph is incomplete because it failed to capture agricultural sector which also had high water consumption in 2000 just like Brazil as shown in the table. Your grammar construction in paragraph 2 is admirable except that there are few errors due to wrong choice of words and typos. The only issue is that you were not careful enough to describe the information in the graph properly. Water use in the three sectors did not rise over a century as you stated. It only rose in agricultural sector but remained fairly stable in industrial and domestic sectors within the first half of the century from 1900-1940. By the next half of the hundred year period, industrial and domestic usage of water began to increase progressively.'industrial and domestic figures used less water...'. Do not use figures as shown in the expression highlighted. Domestic, industry and agriculture are sectors as indicated in the information provided, so see them as such. Overall, your essay met the minimum of 150 word criteria of writing task 1. It also tried in representing the information in the graph and the table, but it can not fetch a score more than 5 because it not only lacks conclusion, but also could not properly interpret the information provided.

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