Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


The information presents what visitors claimed to dislike or like on the Fairmont Island - IELTS



sharfina 35 / 21  
Dec 2, 2015   #1
The pie charts give information about what visitors claimed to dislike about and things that people liked about of Fairmont Island according to tourists' opinions. Overall, it can obviously be seen that while visitors enjoy the residents on the island, high living cost is the main reason which might hinder tourists from visiting.

Whilst the largest proportion of drawbacks goes on living expenditure, representing more than two fifths of the total, the quality of food is merely one in twenty of the total. Surprisingly, weather condition as well as leisure activity are two things of problem which are too interesting to abandon since both of them cannot be well-satisfied, the former accounts for a fifth and the latter is more by one in ten.

Another pie chart shows four distinct plus icons that tourists enjoy spending time there. While the main reason visitor visiting the island is based on people there, showing two-fifths of all total, the second major cause is the scenery, which is only 3 percent less.

In contrast, the proportion of culture and good living places are a minority, 12 percent goes on the cultural reason and 11 percent for good accomodation.


  • advantages.png

  • advantages_2.png


Nofrinorman 27 / 16  
Dec 2, 2015   #2
Hi Fina, you get this point of grouping but as far as I concern that your explanations is complex and likely hard to understand. I know that you have tried to compare the data. However, you do not need to make the complex sentences. You should make it understandable by readers. This is some feedback...

The pie charts give information about what visitors claimed to dislike about and things(avoid use this word) that people liked about ...

The pie charts give information about a comparison of visitors who claimed to dislike and visitors who liked of Fairmont Island which is based on tourists' opinion. (this is my offer into your paraphrase)

Whilst the largest proportion of drawbacks goes on living expenditure, representing more than two fifths ...

The high cost living has a high percentage of visitors who claim to dislike at 45%, then following by entertainment at 30%. Weather becomes the third ranking that visitors believe its drawback at 20%. The latest standing of disadvantage for holidaymakers is food quality with a very small percentage at 5%. (This paragraph is more comprehensible)

Another pie chart shows four distinct plus icons that tourists enjoy spending time there. While the main reason ...

Turning to the most visitors liked, a significant proportion is seen in the two aspects of advantages. The people exceeds at 40% and the scenery exists at 37%. A minority is witnessed by culture at 12%, which it brings benefits for travellers and it almost has similar number with good accommodation by 1%. (This explanation is separated)

Thanks, these might be helpful :)


Home / Writing Feedback / The information presents what visitors claimed to dislike or like on the Fairmont Island - IELTS
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳