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TOEFL Integrated Essay (Q: Summarize the points made in the lecture, ...)


Shahab_A 1 / -  
Oct 11, 2016   #1
Could you please help me to improve my writings and tell me my errors or say your comments about my writing?

Here is my essay based on ETS Official guide to TOEFL practice test 3:

The article and the lecture offer two opposing views on the authenticity of one of Rembrandt painting, which is known as Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet. While the author of the article feels that the painting does not belong to Rembrandt and in fact It was painted by another artist and enumerate three reasons of support, However, the lecturer refutes the point made in the passage and states that although all of the reason given in the passage is true but the painting is one of true Rembrandt's works. And defend her statement by repudiating each of the author's reasons exclusively.

First of all, the reading claims that there is some inconsistency with the way woman's dress or especially her fur collar is depicted in the portrait. Conversely, the professor refutes this point by stating that after extensive examination made on the painting, it shows that the fur collar of the woman was added hundred years later, to give the painting more increased value. She asserts that the painting itself is original in spite of this fact.

In addition, the article posits that there is also some lightening error despite the fact that Rembrandt is famous for being a master of painting light and shadow. However, the professor says that the original painting itself before being changed by adding the fur collar was different in a way the woman had a light column clove instead which in turn support the true lightening of the portrait.

Finally, the text contend that the painting is made on a several pieces of wood despite the most of Rembrandt's work which were made on single wood. The professor opposes this point by expressing that the original painting was made on a single piece of wood but it was changed by the someone else to reflect more antiquity and thus increase in value. We also learn that this painting is truly belong to Rembrandt.

Ifan21 22 / 24 2  
Oct 12, 2016   #2
Hey There .....
These following correction are suggested to you :
... lecture offer two opposing viewsopposed views on the authenticity of one of Rembrandt paintings (using on of must be followed by noun with plural form) , which is known as ...

... feels that the painting does IS NOTnot belong to Rembrandt (...) one of true Rembrandt's works (You have to cutting down this long sentence because confusing ).

... claims that there is are some inconsistency (inconsistencies) .......
Note :
Bear on your mind about plura-singular form, subject-verb agreement and how to construct complex sentences

Good luck
Best Regard
Ifan


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