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International communication online. Distance is not a main problem in connecting people anymore.


aviniwirastri [Contributor] 10 / 35 11  
Apr 19, 2016   #1
Some people think that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people, who would normally never have a chance to meet, to communicate.

What are the advantages of international communication online?
Are there any disadvantages to this?
(IELTS task 2)


Online communication has been advanced nowadays. Distance is not a main problem in connecting people as it used to. Moreover it brings an opportunity to make a relationship and friendship with someone in oversea. Beside of many benefits brought by international communication online, it also brings several drawbacks.

Internet is now used by a large number of people around the world . As a matter of fact, More than 3 billion people in the world are internet users, which social media users approximately reach 2,2 millions. It means that more than one third of population in the world are connected online. we can say that Geographical barriers are slightly eliminated. We just need to stay online to search people we want to meet or to have a chat with. In addition, online communication does not cost too expensive and much more affordable than before. Another advantage is to access information easily. Due to spreading internet connection in almost every place in the entire of the earth, news and information now are accessible and up-to-date. It will surely make people pampered and enable them to communicate with everybody elsewhere .

In spite of this, some drawbacks appear as well. Face-to-face communication can be slowly decreased. The more people go online, the less they have sometime to socialize with their environment. Hence, it can lead people to be selfish and ignorant. In another case, Because of unlimited accessing data online, some people try to misuse this facility. There is no limitation to upload and download data or information. Fraud and propaganda are common terms of abuse. To illustrate, some countries try to protect their citizen by banning some harmful website, some do even worse. North Korea restricts the society to access the internet, because the government possibly think that it is not proper to be consumed by the citizen or it could be forbidden to communicate with other people from other country. As a result, it can be a boomerang for online community.

In conclusion, people have a right to communicate with everybody from everyplace. They also have a right to access information. internet is a communication tool that provides those chances. What we need to understand is to utilize the facility wisely. Since it is developed in order to break communication barriers, it will never be true if we use it as a means of abuse.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 20, 2016   #2
Hi Avini, I notice that you've made many noticeable errors there. Sorry to say that those errors were actually a basic / fundamental problem which can be avoided easily if you are really aware of it. I think you should mind the corrections that I've made below:

- Online communication has been advanced (by who? or what? I think it can be 'scientists') nowadays (passive voice without agent is okay if the context is already obvious. In this sentence, it doesn't.)

- someone in oversea(s)
- Beside ofDespite many benefits brought by international communication online, it also brings several drawbacks. (inaccurate grammar like this will damage your score, be careful next time, especially when it comes to tenses inconsistency(ies))

- number of people around the world . (Simple punctuation mistake(s) can possible lead to a bad score. After completing a sentence, end it directly by using 'period(.)' )

- 2,2 millions. (British or USA are using 'period' instead of 'comma' to present decimal number, but for a thousand, is usually like this $2,100 = two thousand dollars)

- . we can say that Geographical (Capital letter is a MUST when you start a new sentence)
- Due to spreading internet connection in almost every place in the entire of the earth, news and information now are accessible and up-to-date. It will surely makemakes people pampered and enable them to communicate with everybody elsewhere . (remember about tenses inconsistency like what I've said earlier)

Besides these errors, I reckon that you have done pretty good in arranging the idea of your essay. Yet, some conclusion(s) were missing. You have to make at least 1 concluding sentence inside a paragraph, especially body 1 and body 2 paragraph. This will make your essay become more intact and understandable. I hope you follow through my corrections and feedback. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 20, 2016   #3
Hi Wira, I would like to share a few insights to your essay, I will take on the first 2 paragraphs so you can follow through with the last one.

- has been advanced nowadays.
- Distance is not athe main
- to makecreate a relationship
- with someone in overseas .
- Beside of manyAside from these benefits

- whichwherein social media
- users are approximately reach 2,2 millions.
- does not cost too expensive andas much it is more affordable
- Due to spreadingWith the spread of internet, ( mind your punctuation marks )
- every place in the entire of the earth,

There you have it Wira, I hope the corrections provided above are useful to your revision, do follow though and should you need further assistance, we are here to help.
suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 20, 2016   #4
Hi, Avini:

your eaasy is quite understandable and realistic,but my suggestion is that

aviod using "we""i" in essay, please use passive voice fmore frequently, which can make your essay look more professional.

also, you can make your idea more clear.Like you said:

The more people go online, the less they have sometime to socialize with their environment. Hence, it can lead people to be selfish and ignorant.

a vast number of people are so immersed themselves in communicating with strangers via online social websites that they rarely care about matters and individuals aroung them.Unquestionably, under this circumstance, they will become indifferent and selfish. As a result, the impersonal and merciless atmosphere will spread and disseminate in the entire society.

Hope that can help you!
ismawan 2 / 3  
May 17, 2016   #5
hy thanks for your comment. it could help me to know my fault..


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