Hi, if you see my essay and intend to give feedback, would you mind giving me a detailed one in terms of Grammar and Vocab, Task Response & Achievement and Cohesion & Coherence? I'm not being needy; I just think that I would adjust my writing more effectively if I knew in detail what is wrong in my essay. Thank you in advance!!
International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
a boon to many countries
As air travel becomes affordable, international tourism has proved a boon to many countries, especially developing ones. However, its popularity can pose serious problems to local inhabitants and environment. In my opinion, despite drawbacks, international tourism is still economically and culturally beneficial.
To begin with, there are three main disadvantages to developing this industry. Firstly, the upsurge of tourists can put great strain on local wildlife and ecosystems as the latter can be polluted or destroyed to make space for tourist facilities. This can seriously threaten the survival of many endangered species and affect life qualities of local inhabitants. Secondly, the rise of international tourism can result in many businesses striving to offer as much luxury to tourists as possible, making local services inaccessible to residents with average to low incomes. Finally, this industry can wipe out traditional businesses since more people will shift towards tourism-centred ones for greater profits.
However, I believe that such drawbacks can be outweighed by the following benefits. As a result of developing international tourism, more resources will be directed towards the conservation of natural environment, thus providing safer and better-maintained wildlife habitats. The industry also contributes largely to economic prosperity and brings numerous job opportunities and stable incomes. In addition to this, such tourism model helps to promote cultural heritage which would have otherwise been forgotten. For instance, Vietnam has recently attracted an increased number of foreigners to craft villages thanks to its well-established tourist industry. The rising demand of traditional handicrafts has revived one of the oldest-known businesses that would have faded into obscurity.
In conclusion, international tourism can be a contributory factor to economic development and cultural promotion, setbacks notwithstanding.
It seems that your essay refers to benefits than drawbacks
so I suggest you in the part talking about advantages, you should write in 2 paragraphs to be more specific
Grammar error : a demand for
contributory factor in
an increasing number
Hi there. I apologize if those were insufficient. I'll do my best to give out opinions with more clarity in them to better assist your writing endeavors.
I appreciate the structure and logical coherence of the first paragraph because you took the readers step by step with what they should expect from the upcoming text. Keep this up.
While the second paragraph is great, I heavily suggest trying to be more specific and incorporating more concrete examples and/or illustrations. When you mention that tourism can affect the local lives, try to illustrate and describe with detail what this picture looks like. If you can give out a real-world example, the better it would be.
Keep yourself grounded with appropriate pauses to have more structure.