The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize.
It is a fact that internet technology has helped people in connecting with their relatives and friends, but many think that it has made people become less socialized and more individualistic. I strognly is agree that the internet has a great influence in people's social life, this will be showed by analyzing both the positive function of the internet and the appropriate use of it .
The internet has caused people to become more isolated socially. IT is because those spend more time on websites where have a variety of application software that allow them to do what they want for hours .As a result, their families are having communication problems these days due to they have less time for an eye to eye contact with other family members.
The technology however; allow user to communicate better through the web in more different ways. Even It helps them to correspond with others more easily and in a convenient manner. Yahoo is a familiar example that has led all to be connected via their electronic devices. In addition, people who live in abroad can connect through the Internet via teleconference or Skype. It is clear from that user can handle it in convenient way to maintain social interaction.
Moreover, the use of the internet totally depend on its user. If they spend their time to maintain network with others through the web rather than playing or watching online games and videos for hours. For example, Facebook can be used for sharing thoughts, experiences, ideas and feelings .Thus, may strengthen bond and create a smooth relation with each other
In conclusion, although online technology has become a problem for some people's social life, if people use it wisely and appropriately then I do believe that it has enormous benefits for individuals and societies.
Hi Tanjin
Let me give you some correction (most of it was copy-paste with slight revisions, removed ).
Hi Tanjin, I believe this is the first time that I'm giving you a review and I hope it will be valuable and even more so, useful to your revision. We aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to modify and strengthen your essay.
Having said that, as I go through the essay, I believe, the first thing that you have to do is to to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs will not look like you are trying to make them longer by creating short paragraphs, you can merge the 1st two paragraphs and the 3rd and the 4th as well as the 5th and the 6th, this way you will create 3 paragraphs that are better presented than the one you have with shorter paragraphs.
Overall, you have a well written essay, you managed to create a full standard writing, following the presentation of the introduction, the body and the conclusion. I do agree with you that the use of technology is accompanied with great responsibility.
Hi,justivy03
thank u very much for your suggestion. :)
Hi Tanjin. Here are my suggestions for you.
I will focus on your grammatical structure and give you suggestions for collocations .
1. It is a popular fact that the internet technology has (...), but many of them think that...
I strognly is agreeI strongly agree that the internet (...) social life,(.) this will be showed by ...
2. ... application software that allowallows them to do ...(you can add an example sentence before the result sentence.)
3. The technology(,) however; allows user to communicate...
Yahoo is a familiar exampleplatform that has led all ...
4. It is clear from that user can handle it in a convenient way to ...
I hope it can be helpful for you.
Goodluck.
Thanks to all
