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Internet, automobiles, aeronautical and medical advancements - 21st Century Scientific Changes


sambhavsh 2 / 4  
Jan 24, 2015   #1
Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and expect scientists to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

20th Century has seen one of the most positive changes in society with the advancement of science. Internet, automobiles, aeronautical and medical advancements with multiple other inventions have brought positive support and comfort in our lives. However, other inventions like warfare advancements did cost our society with new issues and have caused natural imbalance. This essay shall discuss some key pointers on the next set of scientific inventions for 21st century and the benefits society can reap from them .

Medical research continues striving solutions against cancer, HIV and organ failures. Scientists are conducting advanced level researches on how to create organs for a patient using his own stem cell. This will remove any dependency on organ donation in 21st century. Scientists are also continuing one of their longest battle against HIV. Scientists are very optimistic that 21st century will find the cure of HIV disease. Another key milestone of 21st century is to achieve a cancer free society. There are genome based researches which can identify the complete genetic code of a cancer patient and scientists plan to use it to cure the cancer.

Next set of scientific advancements are predicted in using natural source of fuel. MIT university is working on a model on how water or sunlight can be used to drive an automobile in 21st century. This will completely remove our dependency on oil in automobiles and is a definite need considering that oil resources will deplete by 2050. This will help protecting our natural reserves for the future generation as well.

In summary, I believe scientific advancements have made the world a smaller space. Though there is an undercurrent of tension because of terrorism, we are still living in one of the peaceful times. These scientific advancements will ensure that new frontiers are opened, new job opportunities are created and the world continue to become a peaceful world with optimism around all of us.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 24, 2015   #2
This is an "agree or disagree" topic and you need to clearly mention your own opinion at the end of the introduction. Plus, the thesis is not really apparent. You said both bright and dark sides of the incidents happened through last century, but the prompt is talking about positive attitude of people toward what is going to happen in 21st century. You should emphasis on this matter through the thesis and then give your opinion whether you are optimistic or pessimistic.

This will completely remove our dependency on oil in automobiles

do not repeat the word "dependancy", you can avoid any repetition sometimes by changing the structure of the sentence, for example: "Cars would be completely independent on fossil fuels"

If I were you I would add one more paragraphs to the body to talk about the changes I would like to see in this century.

Hope this helps,
Cheers,
Ahmad
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 24, 2015   #3
Wowww, honestly I like the way you answer the prompt. Straight to the point and very concise.

This essay shall discuss some key pointers on the next set of scientific inventions for 21st century and the benefits society can reap from them .

I suggest this part should be altered though this is very common in IELTS. I am afraid this can be point as the memorizing affecting penalized. As the prompt wants to know which you agree or not with the issue. Simply wrote :

I believe that... or
I optimize that scientist could bring positive effect whether they research can be the answer for overcoming the current medical problems and alternative sources of energy.

In summary, I believe scientific advancements have made the world a smaller space. Though there is an undercurrent of tension because of terrorism, we are still living in one of the peaceful times. These scientific advancements will ensure that new frontiers are opened, new job opportunities are created and the world continue to become a peaceful world with optimism around all of us.

In conclusion part you are not allowed to add new idea. Just state the main point in every paragraph and make solution/recommendation.

Hopefully it helps :D
OP sambhavsh 2 / 4  
Jan 25, 2015   #4
Thanks Alot Ah_zafari! Your input is really helpful! I could not make up my mind about the negative impacts because of the IELTS word limit. Will they not penalise if we add more words?

Not using Dependency word again is a very good tip! I will improve upon that!
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 25, 2015   #5
Thanks Alot Ah_zafari! Your input is really helpful! I could not make up my mind about the negative impacts because of the IELTS word limit. Will they not penalise if we add more words?

you need to write more than 250 words, you can write more, but the reason why it is recommended that keep the essay short is that the more we write, the more grammar errors would be found in the text, reducing the point, but there is no word limitation.
OP sambhavsh 2 / 4  
Jan 25, 2015   #6
Thanks SHanafi! Both your tips are extremely helpful! I have learnt to get away with such much used common phrases. Also.. Am going to avoid summarising with different ideas. However, i do feel my essay sounded repetitive with telling the main points again in such a short essay
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 30, 2015   #7
Hello, Sam

In conclusion part you are not allowed to add new idea. Just state the main point in every paragraph and make solution/recommendation.

However, iI do feel my essay sounded repetitive with telling the main points again in such a short essay

It doesn't matter while you repeat or summarise the main point of your body paragraph in conclusion because we have to do so. As the dictionary says,conclusion means something you decide after considering all the information you have. For the meaning, we can analyse that it just assemble and make a general point of all we state before. By doing so, adding a new idea is forbidden.

Many suggestions also provide on on-line learning. Here I wanna share one from Simon IELTS website, Simon also writes to repeat and summarise when we are constructing a conclusion in IELTS. see

ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2013/10/ielts-writing-task-2-introduction-and-conclusion.html
However, in this occasion I just try to share a bit, for further understanding I suggest you to read from another source. Please correct me if I'm wrong. :)


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