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TOEFL writing: Internet brought a load of information to its users


greenman210 2 / 3  
Sep 28, 2017   #1
The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?

availability of information online



Although it might be believed by skeptical that the load of information on the internet is not very dependable and can be used to manipulate the general view of the people toward certain topics, I believe that the advantages of this wide access to information outweighs its disadvantages. One can simply come to the conclusion that productivity, quality of life, and people's ability to think has been improved as a direct result of vast availability of the information.

To begin with, from an industrial point of view, the availability of information, whether it be the technical or social, increase the productivity of people. What might once have learnt through years of apprenticeship, can be learnt in significantly shorter amount of time using the available information on the web. People who want to develop their own products can obtain the technical information necessary through the technical journals. The access to the web helps the developer further with the easier marketing of the product. This pattern can be seen once one look at the large number of startup companies and all the updates and developments that is done on existing products.

Additionally, access to the information about all the advantages and disadvantages of the products increases the expectancy of the costumers as well. Once people know that they can obtain a product with same function but greater quality and lower price, they would not prefer the lower quality- which once might be thought as the only choice. As a result, more care is given toward the product design and marketing by the developer.

Finally, politically speaking, the abundance of information on the web helps people become much more conscious about their life choices. Getting the news from multiple sources, people are obliged to think for themselves and analyze the events critically for any further decision. For instance, access to the writings and interviews of political specialists about the current political event around the globe might increase one's understanding of the event and also the governments reaction to the incidence. This leads to better judgment of the governments' actions and also increase the expectations of people; thus higher availability of information, though indirectly, pushes the leadership toward a better direction.

In conclusion, analyzing the effects of the vast availability of information from industrial and political point of view, it helps people to develop themselves, the industry, and their leaders. Although it goes without saying that using this opportunity is as important as having access to it. What might seem a great tool, would be useless once it is not used.

cookie234 5 / 10 3  
Sep 29, 2017   #2
I like your essay, it is cohesive and well-written. I think there may be some flaws in your essay, though. Although it might be believed considered

=> because you have already had one" believe" in your essay, you can use" consider" instead of" believe"

by skeptical=> by skepticism
increase=> increases
amount of timeusing the available => to use
Keep trying! Love u
SunnyLai 3 / 3 1  
Sep 29, 2017   #3
I think you can delete the ''to begin with '' and ''finally'' and alternate by your viewpoints, such as '' from an industrial point of view'' and '' politically speaking'' that you wrote in the essay.

Paragraph2 looks shorter than other paragraphs. It may make your essay not balanced.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,758 3089  
Sep 29, 2017   #4
Harold, while the body of the paragraphs responds to the essay, your paraphrasing does not properly reflect the original topic information. In fact, in your desire to use as many "big" English words as you could, you ended up writing a confusing hodge podge of information for the reader, who walked away from the first paragraph without any clear understanding of what the prompt discussion is all about and what opinion you are being asked to present in the essay. When your opening presentation is that confusing, you will be judged to not have truly understood the prompt and are just trying to get by by using complicated words that do not necessarily help to explain the point of your essay. You cannot impress the reviewer by the complexity of the English vocabulary that you have when you cannot even properly explain what the prompt requirements are.

Additionally, you provided two concluding paragraphs in the essay when only one is required. Both the terms "Finally" and "In conclusion" means the same thing, the end of the essay. However you did not really provide an actual concluding paragraph to the essay because you continued to discuss additional information in each paragraph. Thus, you left your essay open ended instead of concluded.


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