IELTS WRITING TASK 2: The internet or newspaper?

With the rise in popularity of the Internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Internet is no stranger to people and it is obviously more and more common. Therefore, newspapers is predicted to disappear in the future. This essay believes that outlook is undeniable.

Firstly, the speed of updating of the Internet is superior to traditional newspapers. Latest news always appear in a fastest way. People can even watch full events, accidents, and so on at the same time they occur in real life just through the screens. However, newspapers need much time to be edited, sent to each household. This prevent people from accessing to news quickly.

When it comes to the costs, the Internet continues to win newspapers. It almost free for those who have used Internet services. In contrast, to get a piece of newspapers, not only do people have to pay for the newspapers itself but they are also forced to pay its tax, its cost of shipping... Everyone is certain to be interested in free items.

Turning to the format, online news is highly appreciated with attractive ways of presenting, a wide variety of of topics such as: politics, economy, technology,... while many traditional newspapers use a tedious format (black and white) with limited topics.

Another plus for e-news is that it offers the readers the freedom of expressing their own opinion with the others about the news. As it can be seen, there is an area below the news on the Internet. It allows the readers commenting after reading an article. For instance, many helpful suggestions have been given below environmental texts. This helps environmentalist tackle a plethora of issues.

In conclusion, with abovementioned reasons, newspapers will be soon be defeated by the Internet.
(277 words)

Please help me check my writing and send your feedback. All your comments are welcomed here. I will be very glad if I have chances to accumulate more knowledge from you!

The prompt paraphrase does not make any sense. You tried to paraphrase the original presentation word for word, which resulted in a sentence that lacks clear content. There is no connection between the internet and newspapers in your presentation. A more appropriate paraphrase is:

The prevalence of the information super highway has led to the belief that periodicals will soon become irrelevant. I support this point of view to the degree that gazettes are no longer the best way to receive news.

As you can see, in my version, none of the original keywords were used. Instead, synonyms or words of the same meaning took its place (internet = information superhighway, newspapers = periodicals / gazettes), which automatically give me a higher LR score due to my knowledge of English similar word vocabulary and usage. The reasoning I presented, also outlined the topic for discussion in the next paragraphs. These 2 sentences are enough to have my TA score start at the highest possible marks. Your presentation failed to achieve this.

You did not properly use the comma in the second paragraph. Use the word "and" to connect 2 related references. Use the comma for 3 or more, using the word "and" before the last related word. This is a GRA scoring problem that shows a lack of proper English punctuation mark usage. Additionally, never use an ellipses in an academic presentation. That is only used in creative writing work. This is an academic paper that does not need cause for a dramatic pause in the presentation.

In the second reason, the first sentence is missing the word "over" as in "win OVER newspapers". you need that comparison word to indicate the reason why the internet will be better at delivering the news than newspapers. Additionally, you need to brush up on your singular v plural word usage. "a piece" is singular so you cannot follow that up with "newspapers", which is plural. Use the singular form of the word when referencing singular forms.

The conclusion is less than 40 words and does not contain any summary of the previous talking points. This will further create a failing TA score for you in an actual test. Basically, your work is problematic and may have a difficult time achieving a passing band score. It is not impossible, because you show a potential to eventually write good essays. You just can't achieve it at this very moment.

I think "however" should be replaced by " In addition.." cause you're supporting the pre-sentence's idea
However, newspapers need much time to ...

Also,
This
Should be
This prevent people from accessing to news quickly.

In fourth paragraph, you mentioned "politics, economy, technology ..." as a limited field of newspaper but it's not true cause newspapers has these topics. Maybe you should mentioned the various resources of Internet, such as colorful images, vivid video...

Your conclusion is quite short. I was told that it should be at least 40 words.

Good luck 🍀

@Holt

Thanks a lot!
Your paraphrase made a deep impression on me 🤩 To be honest, "information super highway", "periodicals", "gazettes" are totally new for me. You have provided such useful words for me...like the top of linguistics.

I will take notice of comma, ellipses, singular-plural,...

As for my conclusion, I was influenced by Simon's style. His conclusion is usually short, even less than 40 words. He claimed that this wouldn't change the score, the conclusion is much less important than the main body paragraphs...

Last but not least, your words are a great encouragement to me

@Mimi Lalala

Your linking word is correct. I have missed it 😅
And I admit making mistake with collication (access to).
You are right! I should have replaced "politics, economy, technology,..." by "the various resources of Internet, such as colorful images, vivid video...". It looks more comprehensive.

@hiimming04

Hi hiimming04,

Firstly, I want to show some grammar errors in your essay, and it will affect your band score.

The article "the" is used before a noun when it has appeared in the previous sentences or indicated a noun which is recognized in public, such as the internet, the Earth...

In your essay, I realize some mistake in lacking articles:

- the Internet
- newspapers is are predicted
- the speed of updating of
- Latest news always appears in a the fastest (Because it is the superlative comparison) way.
- ... same time, they occur
- This prevents people from accessing to news quickly
- It is almost free
- to pay for the newspapers itself themselves
- a wide variety of topics such as:
- their own opinion with the others about the news. As it ... can be seen,...
- It allows the readers commenting to comment
- This helps environmentalists tackle

In the meaning and coherence of essays, @Holt told it very clearly. I'm still pursuing this guideline.

@Binh Nguyen
Great! Thank you so much 🥰 I greatly appreciate your comment.

There are some other reasons as the development of technology, smartphone has became more commonly to users, reading news on devices provides a very convenient experience, newspaper can be read anywhere, anytime without bringing papers around; e-news is easy to share and send to other people; environmental problems (producing paper process, printing and storing old newspapers, ...)