IELTS writing task 2 - investment in science subjects is essential for development

Government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects

TOPIC: Some people think the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree?

Below is my writing (292 words)

Some argue that science education should be invested rather than remaining subjects to progress the development of a country. In my opinion, though science subjects are the key to development, other subjects also play a vital role in sustainable development. Therefore, I only partially agree with the above argument.

On the one hand, science subjects like mathematics, physics, chemistry, and technology benefit the advancement of a country undoubtedly. The innovations of technology are witnessed everywhere. Many discussions and conferences on the Industrial Revolution 4.0 and the future of biotechnology lead the governments to pay more and more attention to science education. Hence, investment in science subjects are obviously necessary and worthy for the country and also the entire world.

On the other hand, subjects in language, business, and personal development are also beneficial for the growth of society, in term of sustainable development. Language training specifically supports global communication from which one country can gain a better connection to one another to share mutual interests and development strategies. A well-invested business training program will educate business insiders with professional trading skill sets who will know how to run a business with less risk of bankruptcy and better commitment to the trading policy. Additionally, a person who was well-trained by personal development courses will perform better in all areas that they are participating in, as a result, bring positive effects on the development of the country they live in.

In conclusion, investment in science subjects is essential for development; however, the government should also spend a proper portion for other subjects to acquire a progressive development sustainably.

@katiemeo
Hi there!

Let me help you with your essay - I'll do my best.

First and foremost, I recommend that you try investing more space and time into ensuring that you have more of a streamlined form of writing. What this means is that you should be able to incorporate techniques and methods that will help you create more substance in your writing within shorter texts. While this may be tricky, doing things such as omitting irrelevant details and repetitive (synonymous) terminologies can go a long way in the process.

I personally find that your writing already has hold of that content-based depth that I am usually looking for when I am reading other peoples' works. However, I would still recommend that you should have more organization when it comes to writing. For instance, in your third paragraph, while your sentences were able to detail out these training programs, it was quite cluttered when it came to tying everything altogether. This can be resolved through merging together the conclusive remarks you made about these separate trainings - or you may also try to resolve things through adding more terminologies in your concluding remarks.

That being said, let me revise a few parts of the text for you.

... the advancements of a country undoubtedly. ... technology are witnessed everywhere. ... to pay more and more attention ... Hence, ... are obviously necessary and worthy for the country and also the entire world.

Just try to focus more on words that you actually need. Do not prolong sentences longer than they need to be.

Best of luck in your writing.

Hi @Maria,

Thank you so much for your suggestion. It helps me a lot!