Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Investors hold more important role in communal equipment improvement (investments) than doctors



Riiskacha03 31 / 33  
Jan 8, 2016   #1
IELTS TASK 2:
Inventors are not as important to society as doctors.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


Some people believe that society profession such as doctors are more important than investors. People who work in health sector such as doctors have important role among citizens, since they maintain others' body condition and cure diseases. However, I strongly believe that investors can help inhabitants generally in a country by invest money for public facilitates.

These days and ages, there are so many differences illness widespread and attack people in any age, so a country need medical specialist such as doctor to take part in health problems solving. For example, people who experience certain disease need to meet doctor to cure their sickness. As a result to this, the government need to take responsibility of the existence of the person who works in medical department. To conclude, it is important to provide the medical professional in a area as the act to handle the overcome illness possibility.

However, government priorities are not just the citizens healthy. They should put more attention in public infrastructure improvement. Investor will invest amount of financial assistance which could encourage the local construction development. An illustration, the government can develop the public buildings such as school, roads, bridges, even hospitals. As the result, the government can increase the public structures in many aspects. For this reason, I strongly believe that investors has more important role toward public necessity.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that, even though society profession as doctors are necessary to preserve people wellness, but investors hold more important role in communal equipment improvement through the investment toward government.

pertiwi02 11 / 8  
Jan 8, 2016   #2
hi riska :)
overall good, but there are several mistakes :

... maintain others' body condition and cure THE diseases.
... can help inhabitants generally in a country by investINVESTING money for public facilitates.
... and attack people in anyDIFFERENT age so a country needNEEDS medical specialist such as ...
the government needNEEDS to take responsibility of ...
They should putTAKE more attention in public ...
I strongly believe that investors hasHAVE more important role ...

enjoy your writing :)
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 9, 2016   #3
Riska, you have just failed this test. The reason that you failed? You misunderstood the prompt. You interchanged the words inventors and investors in the prompt. This particular essay topic has always been about the importance of inventors and doctors in our society. It has never been about investors and doctors.

Let me help you out here by offering you a definition of each word as follows:
Inventor - a person who invents, especially one who devises some new process, appliance, machine, or article; one who makes inventions.
Investor - to use, give, or devote (time, talent, etc.), as for a purpose or to achieve something:

As you can see, the misspelling of a word, and an obvious misunderstanding on your part has led to the failure of your essay discussion. In an actual test, you would not have had any possible way of salvaging this essay because you totally disregarded the prompt question and launched into your own discussion of a prompt that you seem to have created out of thin air.

Please be very careful when reading, understanding, and writing an essay based upon a prompt. Ask questions if you do not understand the prompt during the practice tests in order to better develop your English comprehension skills. Don't ever assume anything regarding the prompt while you are practicing. Remember, if your essay discussion does not relate to the prompt, you will automatically fail the test.


Home / Writing Feedback / Investors hold more important role in communal equipment improvement (investments) than doctors
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳