The involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that the involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention of the problem. Meanwhile, others suppose that the participation of famous people downplays the significance of the problem. I would argue that famous people's support provides the numerous and positive changes to the society.

On the one hand, famous people can make the problem less important. One of the reasons is that some people often consider that the main purpose of celebrities' support is a way to enhance their reputations. Therefore, to attract the attention of the community, some famous people attempt to be involved in as many volunteer projects as possible without any particular passion or interest in those. Moreover, every work in the effort of international aid corporations could be trivialised since the concentration of followers can be shifted away from endeavours to the fame and the image of specific characters concerned. This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public about their motivates.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that international aid organisations' activities can be more effortless thanks to the association of celebrities. Firstly, they have a huge number of fans who are inspired by their actions. For instance, Phan Anh, a well-known M.C in Vietnam, encouraged thousands of youngsters joined his project as well as charities in locals by donating money and working as volunteers supporting flood victims in the central part of Vietnam. Secondly, celebrities are usually trusted by the society; that may lead to a rise of the profile of international aid. Hence, it could be easy to organisations appeal more people to donate money, work as a volunteer to help either practically or in fund-raising.

In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of celebrity cooperation to international aid organisations, it seems to me that it brings more benefits for the community when they take part in voluntary activities.

Dear all, please help me to correct the essay and evaluate band score for it. Thanks in advance!

Hi Kaun. I will be scoring your essay based on the 4 band score criteria. I hope that you will also take note of the improvements I will be suggesting to you for the improvement of your work. It is really important that you try to improve your written skills because you have the talent and English writing skills to do so. It just requires practice and self improvement on your part.

Task Accuracy - 4 - You covered most of the bases in your summary. There was a slight prompt deviation when you based your personal opinion on positive changes to society rather than the contribution the celebrity can make to the cause he is championing for under the international organization. Consider also that you only presented the discussion as to why people think that celebrities make a cause seem less important. From there, you went immediately to your opinion and forgot to discuss the opinion of people who think that celebrities help the cause they support. Review the prompt, you should have discussed 3 sides in the essay. The supporting, non-supporting, and your personal opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion - 6 - the discussion you present shows that you have the ability to think logically in English and also present an acceptable, although sometimes confusing discussion. The confusion comes from the wrong English term use so that will have an effect on your lexical score.

Lexical Resource - 6 - You could have scored higher had you used the correct terms. For example, you used the word motivates when what you really wanted to say was motives. Motivates means taking action while motives are the reason you are motivated to take action.

Grammatical range and accuracy - 6 - I believe that you have shown an intermediate to semi-advanced knowledge of the English language. You are capable of creating understandable arguments in English and you offer clear explanations for your stance, even though there are some sentence structure mistakes.

Overall, I believe that, if you continue to write in this manner, you will be able to pass this section of the IELTS test.

Hi Kaun, before I present you with a few direct remarks to enhance your essay, I would like to let you know that I may not be able to provide you with an IELTS rate as this is a forum and I'm not a licensed IELTS reviewer, however, when it come to how you managed to answer the prompt, use the proper words in the sentence and how you execute the language, I would give you an 8 out of 10. Now, please find a few suggestions below;

- attracts the attention of thea certain problem. - provides the numerous and positive changes to the society.

- On the one hand, famous people
- purpose of celebrities'( the word "celebrities" does not require an apostrophe as it is the plural form of the word "celebrity" )

- support is a way to enhance their reputations .
- passion or interest in those .
- Moreover, every work in the effort of providing international aid corporations
- and the image of the specific characters concerned. -This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public
- about their motivatesmotivations .

There you have it Kaun, I hope the above remarks are meaningful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure you don't miss on the minor details that completes your sentences.

international aid organisations could attracts

famous people = celebrity / public figures

my suggestion is to use words, such as where, which, that, to form a complex sentence

Thanks

Dear all, thank you so much for the corrections and evaluations. I really appreciate it.