Many items can be purchased on the Internet which is gradually becoming more popular than ever

iELTS TASK2: SHOPPING ONLINE

Topic: Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the fact that things such as book, air tickets and groceries can be purchased on the Internet is gradually becoming more popular than ever. In my opinion, shopping in this way do not bring about benefits that can outweigh its drawbacks.

On the one hand, shopping online is very convenient for everyone, especially office workers who do not have much time to spend on wandering in the supermarkets or anywhere else. With the development of technologies, we now can order anything we need on the Internet and the salers will have shippers to take what you buy right away to your place. For example, in the COVID-19 period and people are in isolation, we can not go out to buy food or groceries, then shopping online is probably the way for us to survive through this term. Therefore, it is a good new trend to go shopping online at this time.

On the other hand, what you buy online are usually not as good as you expected. 75% of the received products do not meet the standards that the real ones have. For personal reasons, uncertain shops deceive us with their goods' perfect images which will make online shoppers irreluctant to buy them. For instance, there are many hilarious posts on Facebook of people who have bought uncertificated stuffs and it results in dissappointment and waste of time and money. On account of this fact, shopping online despite being a good trend is still a such a new part of lifestyle that hardly can we adapt to before the government makes any laws against scams and Internet criminals.

In a nutshell, shopping online's disadvantages cannot outweigh its advantages at this time due to some proper reasons but one day, it will.

(292 words)

I'm very appreciate if you can help me score this essay <3

As you wish, I will be reviewing your essay based on the scoring requirements. Let's get started.

TA: 5 - You have a formatting error in your presentation. While you did provide a clear opinion in the prompt paraphrase, you failed to properly discuss the essay. Since you were being asked to choose one opinion to defend in the essay, you should have presented a 2 paragraph discussion that would have highlighted how the so called advantages would have really been disadvantages:

- Benefit topic
- Benefit reason
- Counter argument
- Example
- Supporting reason

That is the format you should have used for both reasoning paragraphs as it shows the extent of the actual disadvantage of the given topic as opposed to a comparative discussion for a benefit and drawback. This is a single opinion essay after all.

C&C: 6 - based on your given discussions, although you did not use a more appropriate discussion method, your explanations are clear and well connected. You were able to use cohesive devices effectively and you managed to be clear about each opinion that the paragraph represented.

LR: 6 - The vocabulary you use, although not perfect were suitable for the discussion. Although somewhat relaxed for a formal academic essay, you still showed an acceptable vocabulary range.

GRA: 6 - Your grammar is not perfect but your explanations can be easily understood. You were able to avoid the use of run on sentences. Your essay carries an acceptable mix of complex and simple sentences.

Save for the incorrect format for the discussion, your presentation could be considered acceptable. You did well on the individual scoring considerations because you focused on the proper delivery of the vocabulary and clarity of sentences. You did not simply type to make the essay long. You truly concentrated on delivering an essay that you felt met all the prompt requirements. That is why I am sad that a mere technicality, the formatting of the presentation, is what pulled down your score.

Possible Overall Rating: 5.5 - 6

please make your thesis simple and clear

the rest of the essay is good but conclusion is bit shorter

you can add this :- even though, online shopping has some pros like cheap price ,huge discount which is extremely feasible for masses but it also has some obvious demerits which have been exemplified in the above paragraphs . From my perspective,it is certainly advantageous despite of few inevitable demerits.

Hi,

This is a good essay. The improvement can start with grammar. You can probably avoid some silly slips such as "the fact that things such as book" (general info - plural), "shopping in this way do not" (S-V agreement), "salers will have shippers" (no future tense), "in the COVID-19 period and" (no verb), "people who have bought uncertificated stuffs and it results in" (all in past tense), "hardly can we adapt" (word order), etc. This could ensure your GRA band does not go below 5.

Best,

@Holt Thank you a lot for making such a detailed review <3 But I wonder if I can write counter argument after example