Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

From January to May, there was a gradual rise of Channel One News viewers at 9.30pm.


ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period

A breakdown about the number of people watched of Channel One News in 4 different times per day during a year period. It is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation viewer at 1pm and 6pm per day.

From January to May, there was a gradual rise of viewer at 9.30pm. It began 3 in January and experienced increase to 3,9. 6pm was the most choice to watch that channel at 4,9 in January, although during that period fluctuated in proportion of viewer. It saw decline by 2 in May. Besides, there was stable trend of figure people watched at 1pm approximately 1,2.

In May-December, there was new time of news at 11pm and the proportion of viewer stood at less than 1. It witnessed upward trend until August and downward over August to December. Afterwards, until August was extremely drop in proportion of viewer at 9.30pm by 2,9 and incline until 3 at December. At 6pm there was fluctuation and decrease at 3,2 while, at 1pm saw a stable trend over a year. (178w).




IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
Hi Miss Reski. Here are my suggestions for you.

Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation ...

this should be extended. You can find other data should the trend of 1pm news etc.

... and experienced AN increase to 3,9. 6pm (...) during that period IT fluctuated in THE proportion of viewer. It saw A decline by 2 in May. Besides, there was A stable trend of figure ...

..., there was the new time of news ...
It witnessed AN upward trend until (...) extremely drop in the proportion of viewer ...

Suggestions:

1. try to make an attention to subject-verb agreement. I found some sentences that i could find the subject.
2. do not include your opinion. we are forbidden to write down any opinion for writing task 1.
3. try to use the cohesive devices to make your sentence move "smoothly"
4. Make sure you use the ARTICLE.

I hope it can be useful for you.
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
Pramudia27 34 / 55 2  
Nov 20, 2016   #3
i think that you should mention the graph ==> suggestion =>
... the number of people who watch of Channel One News in 4 different ...
Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation viewer at 1pm and 6pm per day.(there is no verb here)

It began 3 in January andexperienced increase (double verb==> or you can add article "a"to 3,9. 6pm was [need conjuction] the most choice to watch that channel at 4,9 in January, although during ...


Home / Writing Feedback / From January to May, there was a gradual rise of Channel One News viewers at 9.30pm.