IELTS ; Job satisfaction and individual well being / What factors& How realistic ?

As most people spend a major part of their life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Job satisfaction is a complex definition which is determined by various fundamental factors, resulting in the ultimate possible progress of the company. Most adults start working immediately after graduating from school, considering themselves to get involved in the development of their society, making money and more importantly, being independent . Regarding that, they look for a job that has more privileges for employees.

To commence with, job fulfillment consists of several factors that have been united together in a way that even elimination of one of them would result in the lack of job satisfaction. Money, for instance, is the first incentive issue for applying a job. In particular, as young people are at their very initiate steps of indepencey and improvement, they pay too much attention to the salary they earn. Furthermore, they need job security. This is a supportive issue that conducts employees to rely on their job for a long period until they get locked and loaded. Accordingly, adult employees will use their full potential capabilities in their job career.

Secondly, a comprehensive and integrated management plays an important role in preparing a pleasant ground for subordinates. A company head should make the workplace a friendly environment. Therefore, subordinates feel free to share their opinions and ideas to improve the company. However, general manager should build new opportunities for workers so they can promote in their job career.

In conclusion, job satisfaction is an effective element for individual's work efficiency. There are also various issues such as: high income, job security, progressing environment, etc. that companies' heads should care for, so as to fulfill subordinates' expectations. Finally, if this system gets performed well, corporations will benefit from its positive impacts in their near future.

very good perspective.
"rely on their jobs"
' in their career"
" make the workplace a friendly environment" -- " to Create a friendly working environment" maybe~
to improve the performance of the company
create new opportunities for workers so they can be promoted in their jobs
is an effective element of individual

and where is it? i couldn't find it!

i killed myself to find your other corrections in my text!!! :D

... well... the latter part is somewhat confusing.... you need to have more focus on how job satisfaction matters to individuals and therefore this should be written in jobholder's perspective.


... ok, this what they expect you to deal with.... let's take your intro;


... this really does not talk much about what your prompt asks you. First thing you should do in the intro is to introduce the prompt to the reader.

.... you have answered this well, but;


... this part is not adequately answered.
Let's take your paragraph -


... this tells that salary is the biggest concern for many people to be satisfied with their job. So now you need to discuss how realistic is the expectation of this factor for various workers. Although you say that young workers pay too much attention on this factor, you also need to discuss how realistic their expectations are.