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IELTS - Job training is far important than broad-based education



clarkmc 3 / 17  
Aug 30, 2012   #1
Please proofread my essay. Thank you very much

Job Training is far more important than broad-based education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Knowledge and skills are employment criteria that employers consider. Students are prepared for their future chosen career in several methods. Some people argue that on-the-job training is more effective method than providing extensive education, however many people refute this. These arguments will be evaluated before reaching to an informed conclusion.

Some people consider that internship, which is part of the curriculum in tertiary level of education, is the essential way in conditioning the students in the world of profession. Nursing students, for example, are required to achieve related learning experience through exposure to hospitals where they will be able to apply the theories they have learned in the classroom. It is implied that this method would allow students to gain more knowledge and skills from the actual field. Thus, it is evident why some people abide with this point of view.

However, many people argue that a thorough education will serve as a strong foundation for all students in preparation for any types of profession in the future. Students will improve and expand their abilities in all aspects. For example, a newly graduate accountant was employed as a writer in a newspaper company, since he excelled in research writing in school. Students manifest versatility by using their various knowledge that they have learned through extensive education. This analyzation has clarified why people stand for this claim.

In conclusion, after the evaluation of both views, It has refuted that job training is more important than providing students a wide range of education. It is projected that people with broad-based education will experience more employment opportunities in the future.

layla88 3 / 16  
Aug 31, 2012   #2
clarkmc
It is a good writing, however,If I were instead of you I would change these sentences :

Knowledge and skills are employment criteria that employers consider.

Knowledge and skills are the most important employment criteria that employers consider.
and

It has refuted that job training is more important than providing students a wide range of education

one can safely conclude that job training is not more important than providing students with a wide range of education

Please give your idea about my essay


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