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TOEFL ESSAY:Joining organizations and clubs is as important as academic class?


headshot0313 7 / 15 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Please help me, it is a TOEFL essay~~ thx~~
As college life becomes increasingly diversified and colorful in recent years, debates has been raised among those who state that participating activities and clubs has the same importance as their own classes, and those who still consider their academic projects should be the most important things. Personally, I am the former kind of person, for that in my view, extracurricular could bring students with good friends, social and working skills, and of course could enrich students' life.

Definitely, organizations and clubs make people easy to become friends, even good friends of others. They have the same appetites and hobbies, hence they could play or chat together and have fun. They have the same goal to achieve, hence they could work hard and fight together and trust each other. Organizations and clubs create opportunities for them to be with each other, which is beneficial to enhance their friendship. As members of an organization, students work not for the money, but sometimes for make acquaintance with others and have a good friendship.

In addition, entering the organizations and activity clubs enables students to learn a lot of working and social skills. Take students' union for example. When students enter students union the first year as associates, they follow the instructions from their own chair and try to make the best preparation of every activities they are assigned. In their first year, they could gain many useful fundamental experiences and know a lot about how to be more efficient when they enter the society several years later. And in their second and third years working in the students' union, they mainly play important roles as the manager and leader of the community; they would decide what kind of activities they are going to hold, and how to chase the union's future.

Isn't there any benefit of pay attention to the academic class? Of course the answer would be yes, that it cannot be denied that study is very important for every student. Study hard helps us be good quality people, and having completing the academic demands we may find satisfying jobs. People who overemphasize their activities may be addicted and receive a bad score, while those who can balance their organizations and studies would probably have colorful spare time a promising future.

In sum, organizations and activities could help students make good friends who may really helpful and learn precious knowledge and experiences which are beneficial to their nowadays life and their future. As long as people find the balance of the study and activities, they would always have colorful lives.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 31, 2012   #2
debates has been raised

debate has been raised/ debates have been raised

As college life becomes increasingly diversified and colorful in recent years, debates has been raised among those who state that participating activities and clubs has the same importance as their own classes, and those who still consider their academic projects should be the most important things.

This sentence is too long :( You should split it to two.

Personally, I am the former kind of person, for that in my view, extracurricular could bring students with good friends, social and working skills, and of course could enrich students' life.

Personally, I support the view that extracurricular activities are as important as studies in building one's personality and character. The reason is that these activities enable students to experience team work, enhance networking skills, and most importantly to socialize themselves.


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