TASK 2
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Recently, Juveniles have tendency to suspend their university degree by working or traveling for a year. People believe this phenomenon lead adolescents to get better networking and experience. However, others commentary explain that it will bring a plenty of demerits for juvenile.
The pivotal merit which juveniles get by conducting working or traveling are experiences. According to my story when I went to remote island after I finished my high school, I realised that traveling is the best way to learn about life. I lived in fakfak island without electricity for a month. It eventually thought me how to save our natural resources. Subsequently, juveniles also get better networking if the conducting working or traveling. They will meet a variety of inhabitants that provide a plenty of information and other important access.
Problem solving, on the other hand, is the main problem that adolescents are supposed to deal with by suspending university degree. Limit in experiences makes juveniles unconfident to tackle their problems. Parents should take into account to let their children working or traveling while they still need guidance. Secondly, adolescent tend to be emotional with aggressive and ambitious characteristic. A variety of stressors that they face during traveling or working period, for instance, will exacerbate their characteristic without good self-management skills. It is hard, however, for juvenile to manage their self at a very young age.
To sum up, experiences and networking are the benefits that Juveniles earn by working or traveling. Meanwhile, they also have to tackle problem solving and emotion control when they decided to work and travel at a very young age.
Hi Sofi, it seems that you have a lot of projects recently. Anyway, I would like to try to do my best in giving the most sincere and meaningful feedback towards your essay. I hope that this would be helpful to your writing skill development. Therefore, the detailed descriptions below are my
First paragraph:
- Recently, Juvenilesjuveniles have a tendency to suspend their ...
- People believe that this phenomenon would lead adolescents to get ...
- However, others commentary explainmention that it will bring a plenty of demerits for juvenileS .
It is really unfortunate that this essay has no thesis statement because you've only paraphrased the question. Thesis statement and its outline are the main criteria if you want to reach band 6 or above. The outline of your thesis statement is to link the paragraphs together. Thus, I would like to show you how to write a thesis statement.
- Paraphrase question: These days, teenagers have a tendency to postpone their undergraduate degree by working or traveling for about one year.
- Thesis statement (including outline) This essay will first suggest that juveniles can get the primary benefit by suspending their studies and secondly, they can get psychological problem due to unstable emotion that they have.
Hope this helps :)
hello Iforsa :)
I'm trying to give you suggestion, in IELTS writing academic, please do not repetition in your essay. For example, Juveniles.. you can change with : adolescents, youthful, young persons, teenager, etc
thanks :)
