ielts writing task 2
Wild animals have no place in th 21st century and the protection is a waste of resources.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people say that resources are not worth consuming on keeping 21st century wild animals safe and sound. However, I totally disagree with the statement. I believe that wild-animal protection should take the first priority as wild animals plays an significant role in the earth and human life.
First of all, wild animals help to maintain biodiversity as they are parts of eco-system. In other words, wild animals can be affected by different species and in turn , other species may have positive or negative impacts on them through food chains. It runs parallel to bricks of a building. If it loses only a bricks, it may be still unscathed. But when the number of risks are taken big enough, it will definitely collapse. Therefore, wild animals influence human beings directly or indirectly.
Secondly, wild animals devotes what the have to serving people. Not only their health but also their wealth and freedom. For example, tons of animals are forced to perform tricks in the circus nowadays. As we all know, they are punished severe and violently until they are able to do correctly what they are told. Also, it is not easy for bees to make honey- a nutritious item that not everyone can afford to buy. Bees have to go through a laborious process involving multiple steps to produce honey. In addition, but for wild animals, there would not be such places like zoos where people can have a closer look and understanding about wild life. In view of science, many diseases have been cured by using parts of animals' bodies. Scientists have more chances to discover new horizon on account of studying wild animals. So there's no doubt that wide animals is beneficial to human financially and scientifically.
To sum up, although wild animals do not seem to effect our daily lives like most of us feel, we should not underestimate the contribution of them. Effective protection methods need to be launched before it is too late to save wild animals in specific, save the earth and human beings in general.
Hi Aiden Rose! I've read your essay and I'd like to leave some feedbacks
I think you did a good job when you presented the main points as well as specific and practical example to support your opinion. I really like your main point! However, you had some gramatical errors:
- I believe that wild-animal protection
should take should be taken the first priority as wild animals plays play an a significant role infor the earth and human life
- But when
the number of risks arethe number of risks is taken big enough, it will definitely collapse. Therefore, wild animals influence human beings directly or indirectly
- As we all know, they are punished
severeseverely and violently until they are able to do correctly what they are toldhave been told
- ....many diseases have been cured by using parts of
animals' bodiesanimal bodies
- To sum up, although wild animals do not seem to
effectaffect or have an effect on our daily lives like most of us feel, we should not underestimate the contribution of them Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,712 3786
You have written a 344 word essay. The time allotment for this essay task is 40 minutes. Normally, this time frame would allow a student to write between 275-290 words. I am amazed you were able to write so many words for this task. However, I am not impressed by the large number of writing errors you made in this presentation. Repeated errors in grammar, vocabulary usage, coherence and cohesiveness all add up to prevent you from gaining a passing score.
While you did well in the prompt restatement, your use of metaphors are out of place. You should only use metaphors in non-academic writing. Since this is a clear academic discussion, you should use only related examples to avoid any confusion in relation to your discussion development. Avoid the use of slang English words such as "tons".
Your second paragraph is confusing to read. You went from discussing a circus to discussing bees, without using transition sentences or references. There is a clear lack of proper paragraph development, problematic reasoning presentation, and a lack of discussion direction. To solve this problem, you must use only one topic per paragraph or, use a clear transition that will connect one discussion topic to the next. However, the transition should be supported by examples that provide clarity on the connection of the two discussion topics.