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Key Issues to Make City Better to Live in for The Future


muizzupr 1 / 2  
Sep 23, 2011   #1
I dream a dream where every city can be a real home for all residents. But actually the one who can make a house to be a home is the owner itself, in this case all residents with government. But what we need to be considered to make cities better to live in for the future? I believe we need to focus on education and finance.

Yes we must educate people so they'll understand. They'll understand what will happen if they keep cutting trees, throwing rubbish anywhere, wasting water, paper, or even their own money. They'll understand what will happen when they choose to do nothing to make city better, not participate in natural conservation, break the laws, tolerate illegal hunting, and they will understand the importance of balance. We have to build good school and make sure that all teachers are up to par. The way to educate people is not only by providing school, we can also use mass media, community, and social network to influence people to stop breaking the city and start to love it more. Education is not always learning math formula or reading ABC without understanding and application. In my opinion, the real education is to make people can make a smart choice. All cities on earth need well-educated people to develop city and facilities such as hospital, road, houses, schools, markets, and so on. And with those well-educated people, city planning will be good; city can be developed without having to damage nature. Both city sanitation and green space will be maintained well. That's why education is really important.

To be able to provide all facilities for education, health, environment, and others we need money. Money is not everything but everything needs money, right? It's important to make city financial be balanced and strong. All residents should have awareness to pay tax and government should be wise to spend it for making city better and providing good service for residents instead corrupt it to fulfill their wants. They should have innovative and creative strategy to make city productive. It can be by developing the strength of city, like tourism objects for example, or by encouraging small business so it can be bigger, or maybe by exporting original stuff. There are many ways actually as long as we keep thinking and trying. Government also has to stabilize the market and price. And of course every resident has obligation to participate in raising income of the city by working harder. The word working harder is not only for those who are working at office, or working as merchant, or working as teacher or at any other fields, but it's also for dreamers. They must work harder to pursue their dream and give something even bigger for city development. With balancing in every sector, I believe city can be independent and even crime rates will decrease.

To conclude, although I suggest education and finance as the key issues to make cities better to live in for the future, but those will never succeed if there's no effort, if resident and government stop loving their city. It all depends on perseverance to make city better. And of course with sense of belonging to our city, our city will always remain as home.
Paul Jo 6 / 29  
Sep 23, 2011   #2
Let me go harsh. This essay more fits as a SAT composition, but far less appropriate for undergraduate admission essay.

You are making a mistake of not showing yourself, which is first to be considered when you write the essay.

Writing about eutopia and the means to achieve it is not enough.

Admission officers always wants to understand who YOU are.

I strongly recommend you to carefully revise you essay, and focus on yourself.

may luck be with you!
Zeinab1383 5 / 43  
Sep 23, 2011   #3
But what we need to be consideredconsider to make cities better

We have to build good schools and

The way to educate people is not only by providing school, we canbut also useusing mass media,

the real education is to makehelp people canto make a smart choices

All cities on earth need well-educated people to develop city and facilities such as hospital, road, houses, schools, markets, and so on.

All cities all over the world need well-educated people for development of facilities such as...

To be able to provide all facilities for education, health, environment, and others we need moneymoney is needed .

Money is not everything but everything needs money,righ t?

It's important to make city financial be balanced and strong.

I think this sentence has grammar mistake but I do not how to write it in a new way.

All residents should have awareness to pay tax and government should be wise to spend it for making city better and providing good service for residents instead corrupt it to fulfill their wants.

Residents and governments have reciprocal duties. Residents should pay tax and government spend taxes for making city better by providing good services for residents instead of corrupting paid taxes to fulfill their personal wants.

Government also has to stabilize the market and prices .

if residents and government stop loving their city.
OP muizzupr 1 / 2  
Sep 23, 2011   #4
thanks for all corrections, this is my first and i really need advice to make it better. Can you tell more about SAT and undergraduate admission essay? I need more info.

anyway, thanks for helping me with grammar. i really appreciate :)
Paul Jo 6 / 29  
Sep 24, 2011   #5
Basically, SAT essay ask your own opinion on certain issue or idea,

and therefore it's very important to hold certain opinion and give the reason why you think so.

When you're writing this sort of writing, it's better to take some examples from history, literature, or your own experience.

However, when it comes to the undergraduate admission essay,

there is one crucial component that you ought not omit: Showing readers (in most cases admission officers) who you are.

Revealing yourself is the prime thing you should consider when you are writing the essay.

It does not ask you your view on particular topic, but ask you to give info about yourself.

Hope it might be helpful.

:)


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