Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

"we must live in big city" -which is best palce to live small town or city?


jayeshjvm0805 1 / -  
Aug 24, 2010   #1
TOEFL independent writing topic: Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reason and detail to support your idea.

In day today life, every small town going to became a city. Everyone is being aware about important of education, which become a major factor to swap small town to city. Use of advance technology has been makes able to people live on fast track. Even in village area people do farming (crops) by using advance technology like tractor, modified seeds, tested pesticides etc. But still in some area rate of development is poor. Therefore that area remains small town.

Small town have a scarcity of advance technology and development. In such place we also found less opportunity for job. In India most of small town has business of agriculture as a source of earning money. There is less development in such area due to lack of awareness about advance technology. Still people have happy life in such area. They can enjoy pollution free fresh air. They has own culture which is same as their ancestor, but not as modern generation. In small town people lives with a unity. They care for every person in small town. They know each other by face and by family's history. But they don't have acclimated with modern generation.

In big city, we can get every facility such as from knowledge of computer to advance treatment by doctors. We get quick service from any company about fault in their appliances. There is lot of opportunity of jobs and extra activity. We never feel free if we know better use of each and every opportunity. We can be aware about every advance technology which is most useful for our day today life. There is lot of benefit for living in city despite some disadvantage. We feel more crowd in city as compare to small town. People are hasty concerning to their job. We also feel lot of air pollution, traffic, noises in city. But it is all due to fast life of city. As compare to rate of progression of city this disadvantage is negligible.

I like this fast life of city. I can get lot of facility which might be unavailable in small town. I can get more opportunity in my life if I shall live in big city. There are lots of benefits for live city as compare to live in small town as mentioned above. But it is important that we live in city despite we should not forget our culture.

Hence if we want to live with generation of 21st century, then we must live in big city.

thaitam 9 / 14  
Aug 25, 2010   #2
hi guy!
(Today or nowadays) due to the development of society, almost small towns have been urbanized rapidly. People become aware of the important of education. With the advancement of technology, people live on fast track ( it's not clear)!.In some rural areas, farmers use moderned equipment like tractor, modified seeds, tested pesticides, etc. But the speed of development is still limited in some areas. Therefore, those areas still remain under small towns.( but no one develops ideas in this way)

It's not a real paragraph or irrelevant . You just use so many fragment sentences. But anyway, you should go directly which place you want to live in.

I'm not sure that im right totally, cos im not a native speaker!
But I hope you develop your idea in this way.
Sophie Tran 1 / 4  
Aug 25, 2010   #3
In my opinion, you should check your grammar and spelling first. There are a lot of mistakes in your essay ( I have already corrected them but I cannot find the "attached file" button!!! )

Secondly, I think your essay are not very well-organized. I can't really get it what you are talking about. Moreover, the prompt asks you to CHOOSE ONE, not COMPARE THEM. It might be safer if you give reasons why you choose this or that, instead of comparing the two choices.

Finally, a model essay usually includes 3 major parts: introductory, body and concluding paragraph.
Hope my feedback can help you.
Cheers!
Shadow93 9 / 40  
Aug 25, 2010   #4
I dont think you can attach files here!! Just copy and paste whatever you have typed and post it straight :D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Aug 26, 2010   #5
In day to day life, every small town is going to become a city. Everyone is being aware about importance of education, which become a major factor to swap small town to city. Use of advance technology has been makes able to make people live on the fast track.

Small towns have a scarcity of advanced technology and development. In such places we also found less opportunity for jobs . In India most of small towns has have business in agriculture as a source of earning money.

In the big city, we can get every kind of facility, such computer facilities and clinics providing advances treatment by doctors.

We get quick service from any company about fault in their appliances. There is lot of opportunity of for jobs and extra activity. We never feel ...

I like this fast life of the city.

Keep practicing! I see that you make small mistakes, but your meaning is clear.
jiajun95 4 / 7  
Sep 10, 2010   #6
Use of advance technology has been makes able to people live on fast track.

May be you can change it to, ''advanced tecnology which are used today enables people to live on fast track.'' Perhaps that would make your essay more fluent.

But still in some area rate of development is poor.

I think you can add on to this sentence by stating what are some of the equipments less developed areas are using, so as to show the compare and contrast between rural and urban places.


Home / Writing Feedback / "we must live in big city" -which is best palce to live small town or city?