IELTS Writing Task 1 - What those kids are doing

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given graph compares how australian boys and girls aged between five and fourteen years old prefer to spend their free time.

Both genders enjoy similar activities, with all of them mentioning watching TV or videos as one of their favorites. The second most frequently cited activity was playing computer and electronic games, roughly 80% of boys and 60% of girls do that to spend their spare time.

The graph suggests that boys seem to like physical activies more than girls of the same age group. 75% of them ride their bikes for leisure, while 55% of girls act similarly. Skateboarding and rollerboarding were overall less frequently mentioned, with approximately 55% of boys and 25% doing one of these two during their leisure period.

Conversely, recreations related to arts and crafts are more popular among girls. The data shows that around 55% of them do these activies for fun, while only 35% of the boys do the same.

( 158 words )

edit: I've added more information about the essay

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Rodolfo, your opening statement is an incomplete summary as it lacks information regarding the activities that will be compared based upon the chart information. While you are not allowed to provide the actual data in the summary overview, you are however, expected to discuss the classifications that will be discussed as part of the discussion outline. Bear in mind that the opening statement sets the tone for the discussion and as such, must indicate the topics that will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs. Incomplete information, such as what you presented also prevents you from meeting the 3 sentence minimum requirement per paragraph. Always double check your summary information to ensure that you are properly representing all the discussion points for the next paragraphs. You should have given a complete paragraph of 5 sentences to the presentation of the activities that the teenagers enjoy in order to further break down the information you will be discussing. There were several activities indicated in the chart and you seem to have only concentrated on a few of them. Therefore, this cannot be considered an accurate nor academic summary of the chart provided. You also consistently fall short of the required number of sentences per paragraph. Based on these errors, I believe that you cannot get a score higher than a 4.

@Holt

Hello, Mary Rose. I really do appreciate your comment, it will be very valuable for me . However, now I'm confused about several things.
I've based my report structure on some IELTS Task 1 models that can be found in the web and in books and they don't mention these rules, specially the ones concerning the number of sentences per paragraph. In fact, most of them have between one to three sentences in each paragraph.

I feel that I'm at crossroads, since I don't know which approach I should take when writing my essays.

Rodolfo, it is a general rule in the use of English Language that a paragraph must contain at least 3 sentences. Generally. the 1st sentence of a paragraph is the topic sentence that introduces the idea that the next series of sentences (complimentary sentence) would elaborate on. So, if the so called link have essays with one-sentence paragraph, to which category do you think the sentence would belong - topic or complimentary? It is important for you to note that each paragraph of an essay must discuss a central idea or point and not two or more unrelated ideas, then the last sentence of each paragraph would be a transition sentence that connects the previous paragraph to next one. These are general rules in all types of essays including IELTS writing task 1 or 2. The overview statement in task 1 is very crucial because you are being tested on your ability to reveal information concealed in form of graph, chart, figure or Table. Most times, these statistical components show trends that are observable at a glance without critical evaluation of the content. Those observable trends are what the overview statement highlights which then form the basis of the critical evaluation that would ensue in the next paragraphs. I suggest that you try and obtain information from a more reliable links such as those of British Council or Cambridge, with regard to IELTS preparation, as they would would offer a first hand information than a mere blog that aims at increasing its traffic. You should trust the guidance availed to you in this platform by professional and academics in various fields with years of experience. Be guided and do not be confused. In addition to the review statement made by Rose, you can also notice that your essay lacks conclusion. "Conversely" is not a transition word for a concluding paragraph. 'Ultimately', 'To sum up', 'In conclusion' and so would serve better in that paragraph.