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Ielts essay on land availability in countryside


sv_megha 1 / 1  
Jan 25, 2020   #1
Q: In many places,new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside.Some people believe that it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there

What is your opinion?


countryside space for new buildings



A:
It is indeed the fact that the requirements to build new homes are posing serious threat to the available land in the countryside. Few people that argue that it is of utmost importance to protect the countryside land due to construction of new homes. Whereas, others hold an opposite opinion. I second my outlook with the former argument of supporting the idea of protecting the land in the countryside and this essay has been addressed accordingly.

Due to urbanisation, people are migrating from rural areas to urban areas which poses additional pressure on the available land. To cater the need, people are chopping down trees in the countryside due to the space available there. This leads to deforestation and a drastic increase in pollution because of the non-availability of trees. To be more precise, Delhi's air pollution levels had increased to such an extent that people suffering from asthma could not breathe in and were admitted to the local hospitals.Not only this, construction of buildings in the countryside would destroy the natural habitat which ultimately leads to increase in the number of homeless animals. Moreover, increase in population will put a tremendous pressure on the groundwater levels also. To exemplify, in Bengaluru the groundwater level has gone down to 2000 feet and will lead to great water crisis in future. And hence, countryside land should not be used to construct buildings.

On the contrary, few people support the idea of building more homes in the countryside. The primary reason behind this thought is that there is an increase in the number of homeless people.Due to which, people are forced to stay on the streets which give birth to unhygienic surroundings. And hence, to escape unhygienic conditions people prefer to construct buildings on the available land.

In conclusion, it is clear that if the countryside space will be used to construct buildings then it will have devastating consequences on the environment as well as on the flora and fauna.And hence, people should explore alternate solutions rather then destroying natural habitats exisiting in the countryside for constructing new houses.

Note: Please review my paragraph , all your suggestions are welcome.

Chloeg 1 / 1  
Jan 26, 2020   #2
It is indeed the fact - Intro shouldn't be started like this
threat - add s (in intro first sentence)
Whereas, others hold an opposite opinion. I second my outlook - Wording should be fixed
and this essay has been addressed accordingly. - no need to have this
suffering from asthma could not breathe in ... - and can not breather and have to be submitted into local hospitals

On the contrary, few people support the idea of ... - stronger topic sentence
forced to stay on the streets and give both

Essay should be stronger to support points and more examples
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,888 2167  
Jan 26, 2020   #3
There are several factors that make this an incorrect approach to the essay prompt. To give you a run down, the main errors are:

- A lack of proper introduction summary in the opening paragraph
- Little developed reasoning per paragraph
- Improper concluding paragraph

The first paragraph is not where you begin the discussion. The first paragraph is where you paraphrase the prompt in order to highlight your ability to not only follow instructions in English, but also that you are able to explain yourself clearly using English as a second language. This is where the TA score is considered. The paraphrase should only contain, based on the original prompt information:

- The topic for discussion
- Reasons for discussion
- Thesis statement

Your body of paragraphs would be better served to use a topic sentence as the opening sentence for the evidence. Then allow yourself to fully explain that topic within the next 4 sentences then move one to the second paragraph, with a new topic sentence developed the same way. This will allow you focus on scoring better in the C&C and GRA sections of the rubic.

The concluding paragraph is a reverse of the introductory statement. This time, you present the following information:
- Topic for discussion (paraphrased from the original and your introductory version)
- 2 paraphrased topic sentences (without detailed explanation) to summarize your personal reasons for supporting a side of the discussion
- Closing sentence to lock down the discussion.
OP sv_megha 1 / 1  
Jan 28, 2020   #4
@Holt
Thanks for your suggestions but I have a doubt in conclusion, I have justified my thesis statement by saying that we should protect the countryside land by searching alternate solutions
juhuihjijuh 3 / 8  
Jan 28, 2020   #5
What makes me feel positive about your essay is that you have a wide range of vocabularies, proper ways to make sentences and ideas. When it comes to the structure, a bit more practices and reading some professional model answers levels you up. Good luck.


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