commercial activities in sport events
I'm Mien, and i'm gonna have ielts test. Help give feedback to my essays guys, thx all @@
The sight of conglomerates introducing their merchandise through sport events is becoming prevalent. Personally, I am partly agree that it may bring detriments in some cases.
I believe that integrating products into sport events is a win-win situation for both businesses and sportsmens. The primary reason is that advertisers could meet sales targets, thanks to huge viewership of competitions, especially famous ones such as World Cup or NBA. As a result, this practice could help those companies significantly reach their numerous potential customers and boost their sales at ease. Additionally, athletes could also reap the benefits from enormous sponsorship from those brands. To explain, besides devoting time to professional careers, they may have the chance to involve in advertisement projects, leading to improved financial backgrounds. For example, Ronaldo has made a huge profit for being the representative of many brands.
However, I firmly contend that advertising could have severe adverse effects on the performance of athletes. It is commonplace to witness most sponsors of those events advertising unhealthy products, such as Cocacola with sugary drinks or Heineken with beers. As a result, sportsmens might have to endorse their promoters by using those merchandise, which undoubtedly mitigate their physical conditions. Moreover, many youngsters regard those faces as their role models, and what is worse is that they have proclivity to imitate even unacceptable manners. Consequently, a large amount of unhealthy products would be consumed by young generation, leading to a weaker society in the long run.
In conclusion, the involvement of commercial activities in sport events may be beneficial for businesses and athletes. However, this method should be taken into consideration due to its impacts on the players and their followers.
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The writer took a good approach to his comparative reasoning explanations in the presentation. There was a slight hitch in the second paragraph discussion though. He contradicted /opposed his own partial agreement with the statement because, in the topic sentence , the author indicated that; "I firmly contend", meaning there is a total support for the paragraph statement. This negates the : " I am partly agree" opinion provided in the response statement. The essay now contains conflicting viewpoints that will lead the examiner to score this based on unclear, and non-cohesive discussion paragraphs. It is imperative for scoring considerations that the writer does not change his opinion midstream. Such a change affects several important scoring decisions.