Essay about the E-learning according to teachers - feedback

Hello,
I just wrote an essay about e-learning. I just need some feedback...
secondly the words limit was 250 and i just did 328 words...please give me some tips to make this essay small :)

Question to discuss : Some teachers disapprove of e-learning, do you agree with themor not? ( 250 words max)

The e-learning is strongly spreading in the USA. Students can get a complete online education
without going to an ordinary school. It's well known fact that most of the time teachers
disapprove e-learning. Let's see what the real fact is.

First and foremost, unlike normal schools, the e-learning provides a very flexible timetable.
Indeed one can organize himself as he wants without any compulsion. For instance, my friend
James is not so fond of doing Mathematics in the early morning, exactly similar to me.
Thanks to e-learning, he can choose to do math whenever he wants, unlike me.
Besides, e-learning is the best solution when one can't stand disruptive, unruly and
bothersome students. If one can't bear those outrageous attitudes, the online education must
be chosen.
In addition, the e-learning is the only solution for people who live far from schools. My
friend, James lives in Australia outback and he must get online education because his ordinary
school is 200 miles away. Thanks to the e-learning, he graduated last year from high school.

On the other hand, the e-learning doesn't let us socialize. Indeed, the most essential
values such as respect and tolerance might not be learnt. James' parent didn't want him to
start e-learning for fear of not having social life. Unfortunately, he hasn't got any other friend
except me.
It's worth mentioning that the e-learning expects a lot of motivations and to be self-discipline.
In fact, my elder brother advised me to begin e-learning. Unlike him, I'm slothful and
careless; therefore, I gave up after 2 months.
We must not forget some subjects can't be done in front of a computer (music, art, sports
ETC). James told me he gained 30 pounds, since he couldn't practice sports just like other
ordinary schools.
In a nutshell, I must admit, I shouldn't advice someone to try e-learning.
Unless, he really wants himself be excluded, depressive or fatty. All things considered, the
teachers are fairly right to disapprove e-learning.

thanks in advace for helping me!!!!

Well to shorten an essay I would start chopping away at any unnecessary words to make the paper more concise. For instance you can open the paper with "E-learning is strongly spreading in the USA." The next thing is you can eliminate "most of the time" the sentence then would read "It is well known fact that most teachers disapprove of E-learning." Your final sentence seems redundant I would eliminate it if you are trying to get your word count down. Take "First and foremost" out. It seems throughout the paper you use E-learning as a verb rather than a noun. It should be referred to as "e-learning" instead of "the E-learning" . Take out the word "Besides" and "In addition the." Delete the parenthesis and the things in them. Delete "in a nutshell" I hope that helps.

if i understood waht you said... i shouldn't put the articles with e-learning so instead of "THE e-learning" i can put " e-learning"... ?

i thought in an essay the link words like " first of all, in a netshell ETC " are so much important.... aren't they? i can delete them??

Thanks a lot...

Yeah you can just put "e-learning." In longer essays linking statements are important, but when they are not necessary like in this essay you can do away with them. Also when they are forced they ruin the papers flow.

ok... thanks alot :)

any other suggestion from other user would be welcomed!!!! THANKS :D

It's a well-known fact that most of the time teachers disapprove of e-learning.

Let's see what the real fact is.--What about the teachers that participate in e-learning? I think you should cite a source for your information. Many teachers like e-learning. Many teachers are working toward their masters degrees while taking online classes.

For instance, my friend James is not so fond of doing Mathematics in the early morning, exactly similar to me. ---Ha ha, I love this sentence. I don't think anyone likes doing math early in the morning. Ha ha, friends don't make friends do math early in the morning.

When you name someone in the sentence, use a comma on each side:
My friend, James, lives in Australia's outback, and...

Unfortunately, he hasn't got any other friend except me.---Great example. I think you understand the psychology of language very well.

It's worth mentioning that the e-learning expects a lot of motivations and to be self-disciplined .

Unlike him, I'm slothful and careless; therefore, I gave up after 2 months.---Ha ha, i really like your style. You must be very confident if you are willing to admit your faults.

of course... firstly i admit my faults 100%... i am here to learn...

thanks a lot to give me these advises... and thanks to encourage me !!!