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IELTS: Learning a foreign language at elementary school brings lots of benefits


harry137181143 2 / 4  
Jun 1, 2014   #1
Question: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? ( Cambridge English IELTS 9, Test 1, Task 2 )

In an era of globalisation, learning a foreign language becomes an important, if not fundamental, course in many countries, for its growing importance in international communication and global trade. And recently, some experts believe that it is better to start the course at primary school rather than secondary school. While doing so may be advantageous, it also has some disadvantages. And I do think its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Learning a foreign language at elementary school brings lots of benefits. To begin with, this can lay a sound foundation for the children. It is undeniable that to have a good grasp of a language, we must have solid base of the language. This should be done earlier at primary school in order to make the advanced studying process later more efficient. Besides, the learning process can be more interesting. Thanks to the strong curiosity of kids, they will find the study way more interesting than they will do at secondary school. Thus the stronger learning incentive can lead to a happier learning process as well as a better result. Moreover, it has been proved by scientific research that children are keen on emulating and accepting new knowledge. Therefore, through long-term immersion in the foreign language, primary students can learn the new language faster.

Apart from the above advantages, however, it may also bring detrimental effects on children. Firstly, it may bring undue pressure on primary students who deserve to have less pressure in childhood. Learning a foreign language at primary school means the set up of a new subject. Kids may then be stressed by a sharp increase in schoolwork. What's more, increasing their workload too much so early may interrupt their learning processes on other subjects, including their mother language. So this may in turn hinder their original development, as they lack the ability of planning and time management.

While it is true that this can have some disadvantages, I still believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. The foundation laid and increase in incentive due to their curiosity is invaluable for their future study on the foreign language. And the negative impact can be offset by clear subject planning of schools. So in conclusion, its benefits exceeds its drawbacks and it is desirable for schools to carry out this policy.

Please help comment on my essay. Feel free to correct my mistakes. And please suggest a band according to my essay. Many Thanks !!

SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 1, 2014   #2
And recently, some experts believe that it is better to start the course at primary school rather than secondary school.

If there is "Recently" we should write "have believed", however in this case I think we should not write like that, but omit recently is better, don't you think?

The foundation laid and increase in incentive due to their curiosity is invaluable for their future study on the foreign language. And the negative impacts can be offset by clear subject planning of schools.
.

Well your conclusion is repeated somehow. I mean you have said:

I still believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

so there is no need to say

So in conclusion, its benefits exceeds its drawbacks and it is desirable for schools to carry out this policy.

And one more thing, maybe your essay is a little bit long. Can you handle this within 40 mins or less? 381 words I have counted :)

Besides these minor mistakes, I think your essay is well-written :) various structures, well-organized ideas, wide range vocab and clearly stated. Love to see more of your essays :) Feel free to say if i'm wrong at some points will you?
msarkar 8 / 15  
Jun 2, 2014   #3
I think the conclusion should be more abridge.
OP harry137181143 2 / 4  
Jun 3, 2014   #4
Thank you very much for your comment!! It helps a lot ! well I think I can handle it because I wrote this essay in 40 minutes. But I think you are right. Thank you :)
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 3, 2014   #5
What's more, increasing their workload too much so early may interrupt their learning processes on other subjects, including their mother language.

you cannot put a contraction in IELTS Essay, you must write completely.

what's should be 'what is'
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 4, 2014   #6
Apart from the above advantages, however, it may also bring detrimental effects on children. Firstly, it may bring undue pressure on primary students who deserve to have less pressure in childhood. Learning a foreign language at primary school means the set up of a new subject. Kids may then be stressed by a sharp increase in schoolwork. What's more, increasing their workload too much so early may interrupt their learning processes on other subjects, including their mother language. So this may in turn hinder their original development, as they lack the ability of planning and time management.

Since you expressed your opinion supporting the statement, it is better to continue justifying your opinion rather than talking about the other side of the story. If your prompt asks you to discuss both sides of the issue, then you need to talk about both sides. However, if it asks only your opinion, then state your opinion in the introduction itself (the last concluding sentence in the intro) and then defend your position in the body paras with reasons and examples.


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