TOEFL: Learning a foreign language while living in one's own country

I need someone who can check my essay... please:)

benefits and limitations of learning a local language abroad

In my opinion, learning a foreign language in my country is better, than learning it in the country in which it is spoken.
It`s better for me because it is much easier to understand and perceive some new information which teacher is explaining.
Maybe this is not the reason but if i can`t realize some new expressions or rules i can ask my teacher to explain it on my native language.

For the first time teacher can speak without an accent for us to accustom and then for some lessons we will be practice with speaking and we will be able to understand teacher`s accent, we will have some experience and we will be trying to speak with an accent too.Learning a foreign language in our country helps us adapting to it gradually. Our teacher can explain us different niceties of certain rule or other moments, which we could have never known.

Surely, learning language in the country in which it is spoken is quite good too. It gives us some more opportunities for training our speaking, we can hear the real accent, we can plunge in the world of this language. And, actually, we will get used to the all orders and habits eventually.

Well, after having writing all this sentences i changed my mind. I can`t agree that learning language in our country or in different country is better or worse.

I think that each way of learning language has it`s own benefits and limitations. Although ways are different but the main goal is the one.

Some suggestions that might help
1) make paragraphs:Intro, body1,2, and closing remark - Your essay has to be more organized
2) do not use colloquial words too often - Get rid of "maybe", "For the first time", "it's -> it is", "well", etc

Hi Anna

Sorry for late.

I have read your essay and I think maybe I can offer some advices to you.

1.we will be practice with speaking and we will be able to understand teacher`s accent, we will have some experience and we will be trying to speak with an accent too.

I think use we will four times in one sectence is not a good choice. Please try to change the forms of your sentences. Passive vioce is always a good choice, and Subordinate clause is really difficult (it is really difficult to all English learners)but you must handle it. I try to rewrite the former sentence written by you to let my advices to be more easily to understand.

Much more experience can be obtained by having oral exercises with local teachers rahter than talking with teachers in a foreign land.

2.Maybe this is not the reason but if...

I want to say that you should learn how to write essays in written English, not spoken one. What is written English? Sorry, I can't explain it clearly, but I suggest that you can read more English competitions and try to simulate them. I am sure it is really help.

3.Try your best to cut down the number of grammar mistakes (I hate grammar because I have lots of gramma mistakes too), it is very important.

4.If you have point out your opinion at the first para, I think you should keep it unchanged to the end. Changing your mind in the middle will make your essay in logical chaos. You should decide what you really want to express before you start writing.

I wish these suggentions can help you.