reasons to learn a foreign language
"Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or to work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should learn a foreign language.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion"
People have different perspectives on whether working or traveling are the only reason for learning a foreign language or there are more than two reasons above in order to learn a language of a different country. In my opinion, i absolutely agree that learning a foreign language is certainly not only traveling or working but also liking or any constraint.
On one hand, it is obvious that foreign language plays a vital role in helping people to live in abroad for both working and traveling. In more details, a foreign language enables people to work effectively in their areas. Thus, this will be apart of contributing factor influencing people's success as people have to expose to working environment abroad. In terms of traveling, there will be many benefits from knowing a foreign language. It is clear that it allows people communicate easily with local resident. In the same way, foreign language can help travelers in discovering many more interested places, some new dishs and a few new friends. Specifically, if traveler can speak a local language, they may not need to spend money to hire translators for a few trips.
On the other hand, people learn a foreign language for a lot of reasons not only to work or to travel abroad. In actual fact, some people have a favorite which is studying the culture in the world. Therefore, knowing about language makes substantial contribution to understanding the beauty of culture of any country. As well as, college degree is also a reason to learn any foreign language. For example, in higher education, students must influence by English as a part of student's requirement in order to meet the highest quality standard of knowledge least 5.5 Ielts in academic score to enter university in Vietnam.
To sum up, people have many reasons to learn a foreign language. And, each people should study one more foreign language because this will bring a lot of benefits for learner.
I believe there is a typo in the line, '... but also liking or any constraint.'
The phrase, 'In more details' seems a little out of place.
Subjectively speaking, the very linear progression of the essay makes it rather unindulging. Maybe try quoting personal incidents or anectodes to make it a little more interesting.
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Nguyen, the essay is asking you to discuss both points of public view before you write your personal opinion. However, in the prompt paraphrase, you make it appear that the instruction is only asking you to discuss your personal opinion of the given topic. Your essay will then appear to be tangential in response and be scored with a failing score because you are not discussing the topic in the required method and also, word points will be deducted for the missing references to the public discussion. The public discussion represented by the reference phrases "Some people" and "Others say". So there are 3 discussion points for this 5 paragraph presentation.
To find out what the required discussion method is, you have to first, learn how the proper instruction paraphrase should have been presented. It should have been reflected as:
There are humans who like to travel and as such, learn the language of the country they are going to so they can communicate with the locals. The other group, believes that there are more than just travel reasons to learn a new language. After carefully considering both public points of view, I hope to come up with a better understanding of the topic so I can present my own point of view regarding it.
Tourists believe that learning the language of the country will... While this is a valid reason, other consider travel only one of the reasons to learn a language.
Take for example linguists. The job of this person is to learn languages. A linguist does this because... Owing to that reason, one can understand how learning languages goes beyond travel.
After careful consideration of each reason, my belief is that...
Considering.... In the end, the clear understanding is that...
Do you see the difference between the two presentations? Based on the format above, the mistakes you made become self-explanatory. You can understand why your essay cannot be scored the same as if it had been presented in the format above. You also went over the maximum sentence presentation count per paragraph, which carries a minimum of 3 sentences and a maximum of 5 sentences per presentation. Since this is your first posting here, I will not score this paper nor point out the GRA mistakes. I want you to focus on better understanding the required discussion presentations instead. Review the examples available at this forum to help you become more familiar with the discussion types and how to present the discussions.