Hello everyone! My name's Giang. I'm planning to take IELTS exam next summer, so I have to improve my writing skills. I really need your help with my essay.
[TOPIC]
Some people say that online learning is the most effective and some convenient way to learn.
Others say that online learning will never be as effective as learning at a real school, in person.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
IELTS WRITING TASK 2: E-LEARNING
[ESSAY]
In recent years, we have seen a growing tendency for people to study online. Although I accept that e-learning has few disadvantages, I hold to the view that it is an excellent way of studying.
On the one hand, learning online seems to be less effective than traditional classroom. First, it is an indisputable fact that students may find it difficult to concentrate on the lessons without teacher's presence, because there is a wide range of disturbing factors from the surrounding environment to the computer itself. Second, it is generally agreed that it is much more difficult for learners to absorb knowledge sometimes, due to the lack of direct instructions from teachers. This drawback gets blamed for contributing to the high dropout rate of e-learning.
On the other hand, I would strongly argue that online studying is the most flexible and interesting way to gain knowledge. To begin with, learners are only required to spend 2 or 3 hours per day working on their online courses, so they can study whenever they are available, as long as they are capable of completing their assignments on time. Another benefit is that e-learning creates a lot of interaction between students and their instructors or their peers. On an online course I have attended recently, for example, I have a weekly online meeting with my lecturers and classmates that allows me to discuss homework projects and have my questions answered clearly. This example illustrates how online learning can help students to learn better, as well as, provide teachers with effective tools to keep track of their students.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against studying online, but I believe that we should take its advantages into consideration to give it a try especially in this digital era.
Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate your help!Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4786 Hi Giang. Welcome to EssayForum. You started reviewing for the IELTS test soon enough. We have more than ample time to work together towards the improvement of your work before you take the test next year. I am confident that with my guidance, you will find yourself scoring at least a 7.5 in no time at all. I can tell that you have the potential to reach that score, at the very least because you show a good understanding of the prompt topic, and the reasoning paragraphs are acceptable. However, there are several points for correction within this particular essay that you wrote.
The first correction, comes with the opening paraphrase. I need you to understand that when you are asked to discuss both points of view and then offer your personal opinion, your prompt paraphrase should indicate that as well. Therefore, the thesis statement for his essay should have been:
My personal opinion will be formed by a discussion and consideration of the pro and con public beliefs regarding online learning.
The above statement shows an original presentation based on the discussion instructions, which forms the basis of your thesis presentation in the paraphrase.
From that point, your reasoning paragraphs suffered from a lack of public identification of the given discussions. This created a totally personal point of view consideration for the opposing points of view rather than a signification of the public perception of the discussion. Public ownership of the discussion points could have been made clearer had you used the proper reference phrases such as:
Based on a common public understanding
The public perception that
A section of people believe
The alternative group indicates
are but a few examples of the public ownership of the discussion that could have clarified the discussion reasoning paragraphs in your presentation.
The other problem with your presentation is that your sentences are too long. Known as run-on sentences, what happens when you write these sentences is that you end up creating a string of ideas as single sentence presentation when these ideas need to be presented separately. It would help if your topic sentences were clearer from the first sentence of the presentation so that the rest of the paragraph need not be overly long. These types of sentences tend to lower your scoring potential along the GRA line so you may wan to consider that the next time you find yourself writing a very long sentence.
If you want to make sure you do not write sentences that are too long, then write the reasoning paragraph in a series of 5 individual lines. If your sentence runs into a second line, it is too long and needs to be shortened. Then you compress the sentences into a single paragraph of interconnected sentences, totally avoiding the run-on sentence presentations.
