Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Writing Task 1 (Population of people using different languages online)

ditoaji 5 / 7 2  
Sep 8, 2017   #1

online languages populations

A comparison of various languages due to a survey in 2001 to its growing-population per year is illustrated in the chart and on the table.
Overall, English dominated online network while only a minority of all users communicated verbally through 3 different other European languages. Moreover, the total number of world-wide user grew significantly over 4 year-period.

In 2001, surveyed-people accounted for more than 40% using English to share information via internet, while Portuguese, Dutch, and French were only hovering at around 2 to 3% of all population.Although the number of the user in Korean languages were about 4.5% , other Asian languages- Japanese, calculated less than two fold and Chinese was close behind. A more detail, both Spanish and German is used at approximately 6.5% and the rest proportion was the figure of other languages.

A part from previous comparison, only 1.8% of world population was using internet as their communication media in the initial year, in 1997.This number increased dramatically over the following five year to more than 8% in August 2001. Up to this point, online-connection had had around 500 (in million) users globally.In addition to this, the first one year-period was the fastest growing number of total population, it was twice as many as its user in 1997.

Please kindly review this writing.
Thank you.

memorymatrix - / 2 1  
Sep 8, 2017   #2
Hi Dian. There are a few grammatical mistakes in the essay, and these need to be sorted. For example, it should be "all the population". Please take care of pronouns, articles and singular/plurals (should be users). It shouldn't be "due to a survey". Rather you can use "A survey conducted on 2001 shows/highlights the comparison.....". The use of adverbs (dramatically, significantly) is very important, and you have used them appropriately.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,051 2730  
Sep 9, 2017   #3
Dian, this essay severely lacks the proper format for an IELTS Task 1 essay. You do not have any summary overview indicated in the essay and believe me, I checked for it at the start, in the middle, and at the end of the essay because, as you should know, the summary overview can be located in any part of the essay. Yet your essay did not have it. Therefore, the presentation of the summarized information is faulty. The information that was given to you before the graph and chart contained the overview information that should have been first presented in order to create your discussion outline. The format of your summary overview, which would have been scored as part of the TA section is as follows:

There are two illustrations provided for analysis. The first, is a pie chart that indicates the number of people online who use various languages. While the table shows how many people are online on a yearly basis. This essay will examine both sets of information and present it to the reader. The information presented will be based upon the presentation of the main features of the pie chart and table. Along with these information, similarities will also be discussed whenever appropriate.

Based on the previous prompt instructions, the method of discussion and information to be presented is clear. Your essay does not create any separation between the table and the pie chart information, which should have been clearly indicated at the start of each paragraph. There are also missing comparison notes based upon the similarities of the two illustrations. More importantly, you failed to indicate the date that the information was collected which was in December 2001. Any missing information creates an inaccurate report summary on your part and provides faulty information to the reader. Based on these two problem points alone it will be impossible for your essay to get a passing score.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 (Population of people using different languages online)