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The legal trade of ivory could lower the elephant population or even made them extinct



Fira28 6 / 8  
Sep 17, 2016   #1
A Legal Trade In Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds

Based on a research study on 15 september showed that, legal trade in ivory could make the elephant population declines or even made extinct elephant populations. The research showed that, there is one factor that made the elephant population declined even extinct, namely, the demand ivory opposite with number of elephant ivory can be taken from a dead elephant.

However shape to hunt elephant ivory or elephant ivory could take a major impact that is brought to the extinction of the elephant population.

Ivory poaching has made the elephant population into crisis, ivory poaching has become the center of world attention. in Asian demand for tusks up to 27,000 were killed by hunters legally every year.

Vory poachers had the choice to be selected which prioritizes the old men elephants

zul2805_es 7 / 17  
Sep 17, 2016   #2
Hi Fira, let me give you some suggestions:

Based on a research study on 15 septemberSeptember (You should write capital letter for month) showed that, (...) population declines or even mademakes (equally tenses before and after "or") extinct elephant populations. The research showed that(at the first sentence in this paragraph you have written nearly the same so it would be redundant) , there is one factorthere are several factors (since you namely more than one factors) that made the elephant population ...

Hope it'll help you and keep writing.
andika08 81 / 73  
Sep 17, 2016   #3
Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

Based on a research study studied on 15 september September showed (...) in ivory could bemake made the elephant population ...
... elephant population declined even extinct, namely, the demand ivory ...

... elephant ivory or elephant ivory could betaken a major impact that is was brought to the extinction ...

... the old men elephants.

Maybe you can using similar word in second sentence.


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